Friday, February 6

FUNNY THINGS ABOUT THE FIFTH BABY

I'm feeling a little sassy today. What's that you say about every day?

Related: Here's some of my favorite things about being pregnant with baby number five.

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Take off coat at eye doctor. You're fourteen weeks pregnant. Doctor looks at you and, with sheer joy, says You must be getting so excited!!! When is the big day!?!

In six months, actually. You ain't seen nothing yet. 

Yes, this is what it looks like when you're in your fourth pregnancy and the baby will probably be ten pounds. Mkay?

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Going to your first ultrasound and the tech says, Is this your first baby?

Fifth.

WAIT FOR IT.

Bulging eyes & no comment.

How old are they?

6, 5, almost 3, and 17 months. 

WAIT FOR IT.

Bulging eyes & no comment.

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I'm here, also, to teach a little lesson called What to say when you find out someone is pregnant. And, please, do not forget the other lesson I taught called never ask a woman when she is due, unless she, right then and there, tells you she's pregnant. Has the general public caught onto this yet? The answer is no. Please catch on. If nothing else, know this, my friends.

Things not to say when you find out someone is pregnant: 

Wow. (and nothing else)

Your house is going to be crazy.

How many kids do you actually want? 

I've lost count of how many kids you have.
I'm sorry. I mean... Can you no longer count to five? Can you count five apples? Five dollar bills? What is holding you back from counting five humans?

Were you trying? Was this planned?
This question has to be my favorite. A of all, you're basically asking, 'have you been having planned sex for one and a half to two weeks every month for the past however many months?' Why yes, thank you for asking. B of all, chances are, most couples on baby number five have gathered how this whole conception thing works. Ya heard?

Things to say when you find out someone is pregnant:

Congratulations!

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My fave guy, Jim Gaffigan, says it best:

This still makes me cry laugh every time.

Happy weekend, playas.

15 comments:

  1. you're my favorite.
    and CONGRATULATIONS.

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  2. I can't stop laughing. Which is terrible because there is a sleeping baby on my chest! 😂😂😂
    People are dumb some (most) of the time! Congrats!!

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  3. im happy for you, your whole family makes me smile!!! eeeee!

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  4. Some people should just not say anything! I had 4 kids under the age of 10 when I was 30 years old, and I wanted another! It didn't happen, I wish it had.

    Wishing you much happiness and all the best.

    Jane xxxxx

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  5. Bwhahahah!!! I love this, and you, and Jim Gaffigan's skit. <3 I'm only on my third, but at 4 months pregnant, I got asked if I was having twins. No, no I'm not, and I still have quite a ways to go. Then (the NERVE!) she asked, with the most deadpan, serious, expression, "Are you sure?!" Yes, quite sure. But oh, sadly, she wasn't done... "You'd better have that double checked." She tried to save face later by asking me if I knew what I was having and I said my third boy, and that's when I found out she also had three boys. How does one who went through that same thing ASK SOMEONE ELSE?!?! Never, ever, ever evvvvvvvvvvvvver even dare to ask a woman if she's pregnant haha.

    Oh, and P.S., go watch the Friends episodes where Phoebe is pregnant. ;)

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  6. this has me absolutely cracking up right now. i'm not a mother yet but i'm one of 10 kids so grew up hearing similar questions and thinking similar responses. xD
    also - congratulations!!!! meant to comment that on your post where you actually announced the pregnancy but, obviously, didn't. but i was tickled pink when i saw it! <3

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  7. Pretty great! I am on baby #5 and 18 weeks along and look HUGE! I've got about all those responses and I just have to laugh about it!

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  8. I have been reading your blog for years and never commented but this is the post that brings me out of lurkdom.

    AMEN to everything you said.

    I am astounded and dismayed by humanity every time I leave the house (currently 35 weeks with baby #2). WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT IS OK TO TELL ME I LOOK HUGE!?! OR ASK ME IF I AM HAVING TWINS OR IF I WAS DUE YESTERDAY????

    I have some snarky responses that I am too chicken to use, but I swear the next time someone comments on my pregnancy I am going to tell them with a straight face that I am not actually pregnant.

    Congrats on baby #5!!

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  9. Congrats on the newest addition to your sweet family!! I'm expecting my first/third (two stepchildren - never really sure how to address the "Is this your first?" question). Oh, how I have missed your blogging, and the way you make me laugh. The video was a great laugh as well. Hope to keep hearing from you!

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  10. Uh, I will totally call myself out for having those thoughts but I am smart and kind enough to not actually SAY them to the ladies. Some people are just dumb! As for having only one child myself (7 yr. old girl), 5 kids is just, wow! My brain is not wired to function with a big family! HA! Now, I can definitely see all the fun that is had with having a big family, all the personalities, playing games together, etc. And I share in your happiness because I know you are happy!!! Congratulations Burkleo family!!! I am truly happy for you!

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  11. Im seriously cracking up.... and I'm also thinking how do you always reply to my messages at 6 in the morning??? lol! I have 3 and mine are 6,4, & 2 and I still can't get on a good sleeping routine!!! help:DDD to wake up and function that early! Your super mom girl just keep having those cuties

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  12. we have 8. use your imagination on those comments ;) my favorite question of all time: is this your first? mostly I *love* their reactions. gooooood times! congrats on your {gasp} FIFTH! sending positive thoughts and prayers for his/her health!

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