Sunday, October 26
WHEN YOU REALLY NEED JESUS
There's lots of times when I think I don't need Jesus. It's not that I consciously think, I don't need you, Lord, because I don't actually don't ever think that. I know I am need of my Savior every minute of every day and I will be the first to tell you of my shortcomings, of my messiness, of my faults. But, contrary to knowing that, it's easy to get into a groove of acting like I don't need Him, regardless of what I know in my heart.
Sometimes life throws these things, these events, these happenings, at you all at once. And just like that, boom. boom. boom. I'm knocked down on your knees, needing Jesus with more passion than I can ever remember feeling. The bitter is that I'm down, and I've been there for a while. The sweet is that I've turned to Jesus and I'm clinging to Him with all that I have.
But sometimes still, something will happen that will take my breath away. I will be swept off my feet, and left gasping for air, in the worst or best way possible. Dependent on the situation I will praising Him or begging Him. And those moments, I am reminded of when I really need Jesus. Always.
It's an ongoing thought in my mind of how to stay in this place. How to keep the full surrender, the dying of myself, the realness of needing Jesus in my heart, in my mind, in home, and in my head all the time. I know I'll stray, I know I'll fall short, I know I am sinner in need of His grace and His direction every minute and every hour.
"There are no untouchable moments for God. He leans deep into those things we shove to the farthest corners of our mind. And he gives us Himself there." source
I've been begging the Lord a lot lately. I've been begging him for hard things, for His presence not only alive in my heart but alive in so many others. It's an amazingly bittersweet time to feel darkness, beauty, sadness, and grace all swelled up into one bursting heart.
In my brokenness, and begging of the Lord, for something that seems near impossible, I know He hears me. In those hard and heartbreaking times, He chooses to be near to me. In my hunger for Him and His presence I get close enough to Him to see His face again, and He sees me too. I'm invited back into his arms and come to know, once again, that He really is all He says He is.