Tuesday, July 15

"BEDTIME" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

Do not let them fool you. Please. 

What exactly goes through my children's head around seven o'clock every night is beyond me. Really. I have had the blessing of easy sleepers for the majority of the past six years. All my babies took to sleeping through the night within the first six months or so. My fourth came home at seven weeks through domestic adoption and never woke up ever at night until he got to be around seven months old and had a cold. Seriously, my dude rocks the nighttime sleep.

However. They are all out to get me now. They're making up for lost time. Taking revenge.

All the sudden, some sort of treacherous plague has hit our household. Could it be that we are living with my parents are there are four adults and four children in 1000 square feet? Maybe. Could it be that my children love to see me suffer? Quite possibly. Could it be that I have lost my mind? Yes, yes it could.

It's as if everything that could possibly go wrong in their worlds goes wrong when I say the words bedtime. All the sudden they have to pee SEVEN TIMES (And they really pee. What is going on here.), and they have runny noses (no), and they need their shorts changed for the third time. They need one more tissue and their leg hurts and they forgot to get their favorite thing out of the bathroom (?).

They hear strange noises but they can't quite articulate what those noises are, and they hid their nightlight at exactly 6:55 PM and laugh a cruel, cruel laugh as their mom searches every nook and cranny til I NEVER find it again.

I have this certain two year old who always wants more books and more blankets. A) It's ninety degrees and B) you would not believe the amount of books in this chick's bed. That can not be comfortable. Oh, and don't you know, one more song forever. That's her goal in life, truly, to always get one more song. I've changed around their current obsession Lion King's song to I'm gonna be a mighty King and rip out all my hair. 

No night is complete without a twenty minute I NEED TO GET OUT scream sesh. Over and over and over again. Just to make sure everyone hears her. Especially her baby brother. She'll even pull out an ouchie! cry to get me to come in there, and slyly laugh and give me I got you good, Mom grin.

Why.

Another child who refuses dinner and wants it handed to him on a platter when he lays in bed. I do it sometimes just to keep him in there. Judge me. You want to sleep in crumbs? Ok. You like peanut butter on your pillow? Fine by me. He actually probably does like peanut butter on his pillow. Someone help me.

I find myself googling, how to keep your children in bed. Are there other legal ways to do this that I do not know about? Enlighten me. I mean, what more can I offer them? Stuffed animals, books, night lights, sandwiches, sitting outside their room for three hours, and my endless love. What do you want from me, children? What is it?

We also have the bolters, as we like to call them. They bolt out of bed every hour on the hour from, oh say, 1 AM to 4 AM. Just making sure mom and dad are still out there, ya know. Just making sure our eyes are set to bleed for the next twenty four hours and everything.

I can't even keep up. They're escaping constantly and I'll think they're finally down and BOOM another one is out. Look around and BOOM another one flies by. A door is opened, a baby lost his pacifier, homegirl's about to jump out of her bed, and I'm banging my head against the wall. I used to work at night, now I cry.

All these moms be like I never want them to grow up! and I'm like... are you a teenager who likes to sleep yet? 

8 comments:

  1. Oh, I couldn't help but chuckle but I promise you I'm not chuckling at the situation. I cannot even imagine living through such bedtime chaos and I do hope it will end very, very soon. I wonder if you put them to bed and just told them that you will not be returning until the next morning, no matter what they need. Make sure they have water, in plastic cups, and that they are feeling okay and then stick to your guns and I would venture to say that you will make believers out of them. Just a thought................blessings to you!

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  2. I ask my boys to go to the bathroom all day and they are like, "nope, I'm good." 64 times between the time they lay down and the time they close their eyes, though. EVERY NIGHT.

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  3. Mine take turns with night time drama. Right now the 3 year old sleeps soooooo easy. And Max is boycotting my sanity :/

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  4. Oh my gosh. Night time (& early morning times) are my worst! I have the least amount of patience ever at these times. But with Hailee it's "I have to poop & check to make sure I got it all after I've wiped 8 thousand times" you are one strong momma!!
    P. S. I am still LOVING my blog design you did for me ;) you talented woman & super mom with all those gorgeous babies & fixing up a home too!!

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  5. Oh my gosh. The dinner thing. They swear up and down that they are done. They're full. They don't want anything else even though we've offered seconds or thirds on everything. Nope. They're good. But then suddenly at bedtime they are SOOOO hungry!! I have one kid who tells me all the time that he is STARVING. I've asked him not to say that because there really are kids starving in this world. You know his response?? "I am one of those kids!!" That kid - holy cow. He is going to make me a more patient person if I live through this. Lol!

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  6. I remember my parents tying me to my bed to keep me in there... I'm sure that's legal... Maybe?

    I find bribing always works with kids.... Stay in bed & you get pancakes for breakfast? (that would work for me!)

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  7. Had to comment on this one! Our kids are teens and tweens now, but we had one solid year that my husband and I (unaffectionately) called the "tour de France". At any given hour of the night, one of our four children would find the need to spend sometime in our bedroom with some (not so pressing) problem that had to be addressed at that moment. It was the strangest thing, and then one day, it just stopped. Thanks for the giggle, and it does get better!

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