One time I thought I was going to homeschool forever. Or at least complete the year that I began. HA. The Lord completely changed my heart on that, in a number of ways. What I thought could never be, soon was something I was desiring. Only the Lord can do that. Only He can change our hearts in the ways needed. And only He can show us why it needed changing. I'm grateful for that.
Two and a half years ago Caleb and I sat in one our first classes at our adoption agency. Our case worker talked about open adoption and I was scared. I told him after the class that open adoption was a good thing, just not for us. How could we want that? Or have that? It seems funny for me to type that because 1) It wasn't that long ago. 2) My heart is in the complete opposite place, the place it will be in forever.
I sat at one of our last classes, blinking back tears, listening to a precious mama talk about her open adoption with her 5 year old son's birth mom. She said, with grace and beauty, she has given him to us. She has given him to us, how could we not give her a couple hours out of our year? Why would we not want to?
I don't know what fears exactly I had in my head about open adoption but they were all released that day. The thing I thought I didn't want was everything that I needed. Little did I know then, in July 2011, that in August 2013 we would say yes (more like screamed it, and jumped up and down, while doing the happy dance!) to open adoption. It was the easiest and best decision for us and for our boy. What scared me then excites me now. What seemed wrong is oh so right. We couldn't imagine it any other way. Sometimes, in so many areas of my life, I have to stop asking myself Why? and ask Why Not?
I said yes to adoption years and years ago. The Lord had to work in my heart to say yes to open adoption. If the Lord is not closing the doors, why not keep on walking? Open adoption can look so many different, and beautiful, ways. It will be specific to your chid and their birth mother/birth parents. Having openness in our adoption is not just a blessing for our son, it's an overwhelming blessing for us, for our family.
"Not for our sake, God, no, not for our sake, but for your name's sake, show your glory. Do it on account of your merciful love, do it on account of your faithful ways." - Psalm 115:1-2