My boy graduated preschool. He did it! I had this heart-pounding-out-of-my-chest, proudest-mama-in-the-universe feeling when they called his sweet teachers called out his name. Brody Timothy Burkleo. Gulp. Thump. Thump. Thump. Blink back the tears so I get it all on film. Click, click, click with my camera.
It was sort of strange and overwhelming all at once. He was being so goofy and couldn't take his eyes off all of us in the front row cheering him on. He skidded his flip flops across the floor and beamed. He was so proud and confident. I was so proud. This is the first time I've seen one of my children awarded for an accomplishment in front of other people. I cheer them all on the time, but to see it in front of everyone else, all those parents, all those classmates, our family… I just wanted to jump out of my chair and scream He's mine! That's MY boy! Thankfully, for those around me, I didn't. But I did on the inside, don't you worry.
My preschool graduate. My soon to be full day kindergartner. How can I even type those words? It messes with my brain to even go there, knowing it's only a few short months away.
Here's the thing. I'm every mom when it comes to schooling. I'm waving the yes you're going to school in the fall! flag with the public school moms. I'm excited for all that Brody can accomplish in kindergarten. I know that he will thrive, so much, off of a structured day in a classroom. But, I'm also with the I'm pulling him back into my arms, into our home, with all the homeschooling moms. I'm nodding my head in agreement with the private school moms that I want my boy to be educated by a follower of Christ, and to be taught creation and nothing else.
But here I am, at a crossways, in between all three of these options. It's one of the hardest I've faced yet in motherhood. I'm throwing up my hands and bowing my head in prayer. We're doing what we feel is best for our boy at this point, and praying that it's right, and most of all, trusting the Lord with his precious life. He's not my own, even though he is. I find comfort in the fact that nothing is permanent and that as his mother, if we feel like what we choose isn't working, we can take him back into our home and figure it all out, as best we can. We're excited, nervous, and will cry our eyes out the day he starts kindergarten in the fall.
Brody, Thanks for making me a mom. Thanks for teaching me so many things every day. Thanks for giving me grace and loving me all day long. Thanks for calling me mama, don't ever stop… please? And for asking the hard questions… thank you for that, too. I've never been proud as that day last week. You talk all the time about how excited you are for kindergarten. I hope you always have that passion for learning and I pray you always motivate me to be brave, like you do right now. I know you want to take the bus to school… but it just ain't happening, buddy. I can only handle one thing at a time. I love you to the moon and back. Love, Mom.