Monday, October 29

so...about that homeschool thing.

somewhere between a baby girl who needed her mama more than usual, an insanely difficult almost three year old who stopped napping, and a house that was swallowed alive by dishes and laundry, i sort of stopped homeschooling. i was fighting for more time in the day and my boy was fighting for something more, too. 

it's funny. 

i felt very strongly when i started this homeschooling journey that it was pushing me to be more intentional in mothering my children. i felt more connected and we were loving it. brody and i still love when we can sit down together and learn from each other. it happens all the time still, just in different ways than i had planned.


it quickly turned into feeling like the exact opposite. suddenly it turned into me feeling a bit like i was drowning. am i being dramatic? me…dramatic? couldn't be.

my son wants me for so much and i want to meet all those needs. but, just because i am his mom does not mean that i can meet all of those needs. i cannot kick a soccer ball back and forth 12 hours of the day, that's for sure. brody has changed and grown so much since the Lord first placed this schooling desire in my heart. i have changed so much. 

for me, it was never i just want to send my kid to school for three hours so i can get a break. let's be real here. i have two other kids and i'm sending the easiest one to preschool. it's more like, i actually need a break so that i can parent well. so that my marriage is a priority, that my other kids are a priority, and that i can keep our home in livable conditions. which i am still currently working on, btw.  


i had to take a minute to reevaluate my convictions about homeschool. i had to take a minute to make sure i am whole heartedly, and completely, trusting the Lord with my children. they are not mine. they are His. His hand is over them. i can't let my fear of the unknown in a big, messy, sinful world hold me back from what i feel my children need. 

isn't it crazy good when the Lord gives us a change of heart, and the peace that comes with it? i am not really much of a procrastinator. when i feel like a change needs to happen, and the Lord is telling me to make it, i make it. 

all of the sudden the one thing that i felt could never possibly work for my child, was the thing that the Lord was telling me over and over again was just what he needed. 

caleb and i had a conversation that went something like this:

me: i really feel like we need to give brody something more right now.
caleb: me too
me: i called the preschool that i used to teach at and they have an opening for him.
i really, really love that program. 
caleb: let's do it

boom.

so, now, we work through curriculum at home when we can, my big boy goes to preschool a couple mornings a week and is loving it so very much. what's to come? i'm not sure. and that's okay. my girlfriends are so wonderful at reminding me that nothing is forever. i can always change what isn't working. tomorrow is a new day. i love that reminder and need to apply it all areas of my life, daily. 


it's for certain that i am a no label mom. i'm not a homeschool mom, a private school mom, or a public school mom. i'm just a taking-this-life-day-by-day-girl.

and that's it.

27 comments:

  1. Shoot, there is some straight up wisdom in here. I NEED to let this simmer in my heart - being a no label mom. Being able to embrace each season, but not grasp it so tightly that I squeeze the life out of it. Thanks for sharing your heart. And good for you for being able to make a change like that - your kids will be blessed because of it!

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  2. It's so interesting how things flip-flopped for you. I'm at a point where I wonder if I should pull my 3rd grader out and homeschool him. I'm not sure what He is telling me yet but I hope that He will change my heart (if need be) about homeschooling because I don't want to do it but I DO want to be obedient.

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  3. great read! :) i only have two, but having ben go to preschool just two mornings a week at our church preschool has been so good - for all of us. glad you posted this - i often find myself feeling like i am not doing enough since i am not homeschooling, but for all of us - it's just not for us at this time. on that note - i am really looking forward to spending time with ben at his preschool tomorrow for their halloween celebration. just me and ben - i found a sitter for baby sister. happy week to you!

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  4. God's plan is not our plan. <3 you are a wonderful mom/wife/whatev you are called to be :)
    i used to think i was a bad mom for sending my kids to school. but God has never placed homeschooling on my heart. and i still sometimes envy those who do homeschool.
    i just know that it's not for us.
    you do what works for your family and trust in the Lord's guidance :)

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  5. This mothering business is hard. I read something a couple months ago that really stuck with me. I'm not meant to be enough for my kid. I can't meet all his needs. God can. Gives me relief when I think about the mistakes I have already made and the ones I will make.

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  6. good for you for recognizing that change is ok.
    you don't have to be pigeonholed into something.
    you can change your mind at any time.
    glad you're feeling at peace with your situation for the time being.
    doesn't mean you can't still homeschool in the future, right?
    hugs to you!
    you're doing what's bet for you... and your family.
    xo

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  7. good for you danielle. God always bridges the gap if we let him.

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  8. This is beautiful and exactly where I am at. Praying through it all. Thanks for sharing your heart on this!

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  9. So lovely to read this, I am struggling with whether of not to begin homeschooling my oldest next year and my head is spinning!! It's awesome to be reminded whatever path we choose isn't permanent!

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  10. so so proud of you. I think this was such a wise thing to do, because of the simple reason that God was stirring in you about it. He is so good to lead us, and you are such a wise mama to listen. Love you friend. I learn a lot from you. :) also, miss you. :(

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    1. YES. miss you all a whole heck of a lot.

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  11. good for you. it's so nice when a change comes so out of left field that you know it has to be God making it happen. it makes those decisions so much easier.

    also, i can hardly get a phone call made to schedule a dentist without a screaming child in the background..much less teach a child!

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  12. It was so wonderful to read this! We don't have any children yet, but my husband and I have talked about homeschooling. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story with others :)

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  13. i love this so much. I know the drowning feeling (and my daughter goes to preschool 3x a week) so you're not dramatic. I LOVE that you gave yourself the grace to make this change without feeling like you were betraying your convictions, ya know? sometimes that's so hard, to go against what we once believed so strongly. wise decision, my friend. I feel like you just gave us all permission to change our minds and be ok with that :)

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  14. Ahh, I love this, Danielle! I've been through each of those seasons. Homeschooling to not. Gluten free to McDonalds. TV/No TV. "It's for certain that i am a no label mom" too girl! Seasons change and God makes each and every one of them beautiful! And no, you are absolutely not being dramatic-- you're just a mom-- desperate to balance the needs of our hearts and theres. ;)

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  15. I never ever imagined myself as a home school mom EVER. That changed when my middle child, my daughter, started freshman year in our local public high school. We live in a nice neighborhood and I never thought that God would require me to pull her out of her school, her cheerleading, her friends, her "life" as a popular, healthy beautiful girl. It turns out that the environment that she "appeared" to be thriving in, was actually poisoning her. It was humbling to realize all my focus on my 11 year old son with Aspergers, and my older son who needs extra help with organization and focus, that my Quote " typical all american teenage girl" would need the most help at this point in her school years. Every day is a new day… take one day at a time. My daughter who has no learning differences, and who always thrived in school is now my homeschooler. I absolutely love it. Could I home school all three by myself… heck no. at least not at this point…..but maybe someday. Im not a homeschool mom. or public school mom, or private school mom…..IM A MOM to 3 healthy, Godly, beautiful children who are all different. XOXOX thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. God is with you and guiding you moment by moment. We are following Gods timing, not ours. God Bless you and your little ones!

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  16. good for you, danielle! it's hard to let go of our own expectations sometimes, but being a mother means being flexible. you want to do what's best for your little ones, and that's what means the most. love you, proud of you!

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  17. Kudos for you mama for seeing what your kiddo needed. I've really gone back and forth with homeschooling or not and decided to just take it one year at a time for now. No decision has to be permanent and it's good to not feel like it's that way either. Our son is going to Pre K this year and next he'll start kindergarten at a great Christian school. We'll see what happens the years to follow. there are so many in our church who homeschool that sometimes it can feel like it's not "God's will" or "godly" to do anything but, but I've come to realize that every child and every family are different. It's ok to meet their needs in the way that is best for them.

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  18. i'm all for this.
    when I was in the USA I met a TON of women who felt pressure to home school so their kids could get the BEST. I've never come across this in Canada, so it was weird for me. I'm so glad you're set yourself free from those pressures, expectations, whatever, and are doing what fits best for your family. you're a great mom!

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  19. it's so awesome that you shared this. my husband and i have been talking a lot about homeschooling for several years now. but all of the reasons that you have just described are the reasons we haven't pulled the trigger. we have a high need baby, too. i think i read that your baby is nearing walking already? our baby started walking at 9 mo and crawling at 5. i remember reading that gross motor development is more of a facet of personality than anything. she's a girl who knows what she wants. she's not sitting back and watching the world go by. i was just telling my husband, "i am rarely caught up on laundry - what makes me think i could homeschool?"

    in the summer i often do 'trial' homeschooling and i love it... yet our life becomes so out of balance - "kids incorporated" as my husband calls it. i have so much respect for people who chose it as their path - and i may very well choose it as mine someday - but it doesn't feel right for us right now.

    good for you for choosing what's right for your family and for sharing that process in this space.

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  20. we're approaching this crossroads soon and i've always said the same thing....we'll choose year by year, child by child. way to be flexible and being sensitive to the needs of your family!!

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  21. I want to bodyslam you, after I read this.
    Proud of you.

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  22. I love this!! After homeschooling my three boys (one being a very needy 3-year-old) all of last year and pretty much hating it (totally agree with the drowning thing), we did what I thought we would NEVER do. We put the two oldest in public school. Can I just say, that they are thriving and making wonderful friends and best of all- they have their MOM back!! Good for you for listing to God's direction and not being afraid to change course!

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  23. oh hay, just now seeing this! so glad. way to be led, and sensitive to your own bandwidth and kids' needs, not grabbing on to any labels. preschool has been good for us too, for now.

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  24. loved your post. i think as mothers we are all trying to navigate
    our way around motherhood and what's best for us and our children.
    and it changes yearly, monthly.. weekly or even daily! you just have to go
    with the flow and listen to His guidance. I get so stuck on 'making it work' that soon enough i'm miserable and so is everyone else around me.
    i'm a no label kind of mom as well.. i figure the Lord just wants one label for me; 'His child' and as long as I can be that and follow Him than that's all that matters :)

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