somewhere between a baby girl who needed her mama more than usual, an insanely difficult almost three year old who stopped napping, and a house that was swallowed alive by dishes and laundry, i sort of stopped homeschooling. i was fighting for more time in the day and my boy was fighting for something more, too.
i felt very strongly when i started this homeschooling journey that it was pushing me to be more intentional in mothering my children. i felt more connected and we were loving it. brody and i still love when we can sit down together and learn from each other. it happens all the time still, just in different ways than i had planned.
it quickly turned into feeling like the exact opposite. suddenly it turned into me feeling a bit like i was drowning. am i being dramatic? me…dramatic? couldn't be.
my son wants me for so much and i want to meet all those needs. but, just because i am his mom does not mean that i can meet all of those needs. i cannot kick a soccer ball back and forth 12 hours of the day, that's for sure. brody has changed and grown so much since the Lord first placed this schooling desire in my heart. i have changed so much.
for me, it was never i just want to send my kid to school for three hours so i can get a break. let's be real here. i have two other kids and i'm sending the easiest one to preschool. it's more like, i actually need a break so that i can parent well. so that my marriage is a priority, that my other kids are a priority, and that i can keep our home in livable conditions. which i am still currently working on, btw.
i had to take a minute to reevaluate my convictions about homeschool. i had to take a minute to make sure i am whole heartedly, and completely, trusting the Lord with my children. they are not mine. they are His. His hand is over them. i can't let my fear of the unknown in a big, messy, sinful world hold me back from what i feel my children need.
isn't it crazy good when the Lord gives us a change of heart, and the peace that comes with it? i am not really much of a procrastinator. when i feel like a change needs to happen, and the Lord is telling me to make it, i make it.
all of the sudden the one thing that i felt could never possibly work for my child, was the thing that the Lord was telling me over and over again was just what he needed.
caleb and i had a conversation that went something like this:
me: i really feel like we need to give brody something more right now.
caleb: me too
me: i called the preschool that i used to teach at and they have an opening for him.
i really, really love that program.
caleb: let's do it
so, now, we work through curriculum at home when we can, my big boy goes to preschool a couple mornings a week and is loving it so very much. what's to come? i'm not sure. and that's okay. my girlfriends are so wonderful at reminding me that nothing is forever. i can always change what isn't working. tomorrow is a new day. i love that reminder and need to apply it all areas of my life, daily.
it's for certain that i am a no label mom. i'm not a homeschool mom, a private school mom, or a public school mom. i'm just a taking-this-life-day-by-day-girl.
and that's it.