the bach: hometown

last night i watched a natural childbirth as i held my sister's leg while she gave birth to her first child.
 tonight i'm watching the bachelorette. there is no big difference, really. 

so we're up to hometown dates. this episode should actually be titled the night chris goes home.

i don't think arie has this bad boy edge that emily speaks of. i think he's more like dorky mcdorkerson than bad boy edge. i mean i know he is car racer extrodinare. but still.

i hate all the kissing recaps with the tongue action. stop it.

where did the camera crew go after emily locked the doors? spent the night on the couch? 

chris's date:

i feel like… actually i know… when emily greets chris, and says, "what's been going on?!" that we can already feel her saying "i'm not going to pick you!"

chris & emily: gulping the beer down with nothing to say.

chris's mom just told emily that she knows that he makes her happy? 

his mom says i know this is your type of woman… aka blonde and gorgeous cause she knows nothing else about emily. thanks, ma. 

emily, no one is buying that you love chris. hardly a connection! hardly a connection! 

i can't handle him telling her that he loves her.

i feel like emily just gave him that great kiss as as goodbye gift. 

the perfect ending for the date for emily: dancing and singing in front of many other people. she is lying about being southern… she is polish. 

jef's date (finally!)

what we all have been waiting for.

um jef's family…loaded.

jef's hair.. higher than ever before. 

wait…why is emily's dress the perfect outfit for riding in this car thing? 

true story: my husband can rock skinny jeans and shoots a gun like it's nobody's biznass. maybe that's why i am on team jef? i have had three people tell me that jef reminds them of caleb. i'm not sure what my husband would think of that comment. 

obvi my husband is hotter. and has better skateboard skills. see above for proof.

when did i stop writing jef's name with a capital F? someone get me back on track here. i also have the feeling that jeF dropped the other f off his name on his own and that his parents actually named him jeff. 

he keeps playing with emily's dress. in a weird manner. 

parents usually love me says emily maynard, the woman who has meet 67 men's parents.

work that charm girl, work it. 

what is this ranch? it's redic. 

who is this dark haired sister? sister in law? sister? the blondes both have the perfect curls. 

i'm totally like falling for her dude. surfer jeF is coming out. 

jeF it's "easy" with emily because you are on TV right now. duh. 

jeF's life was changed today? what is that side shuffle emily just did? 

jeF's letter! he is IN IT TO WIN IT. and i don't really mean in this to win the competition. i mean YEA BOY you know how to get a girl.

arie's date:

i somehow do not agree with the "stupid hot" comment. #grayhair #sloppykisses #sweaty

those heels in that grass is just so unnecessary, emily. 

i can't handle that they are talking in dutch.

i like when arie's mom says that and it sounds like dat. and i also like how she said when arie wins this… i like a mom with confidence in her son. 

arie is sitting up straighter than everyone i have ever seen while he talks to his dad. 

he also thinks that this day has changed his life. 

sean's date:

he drops the dogs leashes and lets them go at her in her gown. hope you like dogs!

sean is looking a little red or extra freckled or something.

who are these people? what grandparents have that playhouse in their backyard for their grandchild? what?! 

sean says, i live at home! she says, you do? oh cool. 

OHMIGOSH. i am dying over this room and THE STUFFED ANIMALS. and THE CRACKER CRUMBS. i love that he made this story up. HA! 

emily is lying when she says doesn't care. clearly.

bye honey! emily says. didn't she say that to the goose egg man when she kicked him off?

sean is running through the streets after emily just like he did in europe. how clever.

rose ceremony: 

obviously. 

jeF looks super short.

and chris has anger issues again. 

i'm ten times the man as all those dudes there he says. i beg to differ.

i am ashamed to say this but i literally cannot wait til next week. i need to know the top two.

NOW.