Monday, July 2

the bach: hometown

last night i watched a natural childbirth as i held my sister's leg while she gave birth to her first child.
 tonight i'm watching the bachelorette. there is no big difference, really. 


so we're up to hometown dates. this episode should actually be titled the night chris goes home.

i don't think arie has this bad boy edge that emily speaks of. i think he's more like dorky mcdorkerson than bad boy edge. i mean i know he is car racer extrodinare. but still.

i hate all the kissing recaps with the tongue action. stop it.

where did the camera crew go after emily locked the doors? spent the night on the couch? 

chris's date:

i feel like… actually i know… when emily greets chris, and says, "what's been going on?!" that we can already feel her saying "i'm not going to pick you!"

chris & emily: gulping the beer down with nothing to say.

chris's mom just told emily that she knows that he makes her happy? 

his mom says i know this is your type of woman… aka blonde and gorgeous cause she knows nothing else about emily. thanks, ma. 

emily, no one is buying that you love chris. hardly a connection! hardly a connection! 

i can't handle him telling her that he loves her.
i feel like emily just gave him that great kiss as as goodbye gift. 

the perfect ending for the date for emily: dancing and singing in front of many other people. she is lying about being southern… she is polish. 

jef's date (finally!)

what we all have been waiting for.
um jef's family…loaded.
jef's hair.. higher than ever before. 

wait…why is emily's dress the perfect outfit for riding in this car thing? 

true story: my husband can rock skinny jeans and shoots a gun like it's nobody's biznass. maybe that's why i am on team jef? i have had three people tell me that jef reminds them of caleb. i'm not sure what my husband would think of that comment. 


obvi my husband is hotter. and has better skateboard skills. see above for proof.

when did i stop writing jef's name with a capital F? someone get me back on track here. i also have the feeling that jeF dropped the other f off his name on his own and that his parents actually named him jeff. 

he keeps playing with emily's dress. in a weird manner. 

parents usually love me says emily maynard, the woman who has meet 67 men's parents.

work that charm girl, work it. 

what is this ranch? it's redic. 

who is this dark haired sister? sister in law? sister? the blondes both have the perfect curls. 

i'm totally like falling for her dude. surfer jeF is coming out. 

jeF it's "easy" with emily because you are on TV right now. duh. 

jeF's life was changed today? what is that side shuffle emily just did? 

jeF's letter! he is IN IT TO WIN IT. and i don't really mean in this to win the competition. i mean YEA BOY you know how to get a girl.

arie's date:

i somehow do not agree with the "stupid hot" comment. #grayhair #sloppykisses #sweaty

those heels in that grass is just so unnecessary, emily. 

i can't handle that they are talking in dutch.

i like when arie's mom says that and it sounds like dat. and i also like how she said when arie wins this… i like a mom with confidence in her son. 

arie is sitting up straighter than everyone i have ever seen while he talks to his dad. 

he also thinks that this day has changed his life. 

sean's date:

he drops the dogs leashes and lets them go at her in her gown. hope you like dogs!

sean is looking a little red or extra freckled or something.

who are these people? what grandparents have that playhouse in their backyard for their grandchild? what?! 

sean says, i live at home! she says, you do? oh cool. 

OHMIGOSH. i am dying over this room and THE STUFFED ANIMALS. and THE CRACKER CRUMBS. i love that he made this story up. HA! 

emily is lying when she says doesn't care. clearly.

bye honey! emily says. didn't she say that to the goose egg man when she kicked him off?

sean is running through the streets after emily just like he did in europe. how clever.

rose ceremony: 

obviously. 

jeF looks super short.

and chris has anger issues again. 

i'm ten times the man as all those dudes there he says. i beg to differ.

i am ashamed to say this but i literally cannot wait til next week. i need to know the top two.

NOW.


26 comments:

  1. I am 100% team sean! I love him!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too - he seems to be the more "normal" pick of the final three. JeF = man child. Arie = weird hands man. Go Sean!

      Delete
    2. Me too! JeF = man child. Arie = weird hands man. Go Sean!

      Delete
  2. So excited for your sister!
    So, that's where you were to 2 in the morning while the boys got bunkbeds!
    LOL
    Wanted to ask, but didn't.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha! I don't even watch the bachelorette but these posts always make me laugh out loud!!

      Delete
  3. I just died laughing. I love that you "hate" chris too. He is so whiny and annoying, not a man at all. And I liked Arie before hometowns, but his family dynamic kinda annoyed me. I LOVED Jef, but I still love Sean too. I feel like Emily would get along with Sean's family the best.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ewwww... sloppy kisses from arie.
    that grosses me out!
    and what was with all the tongue action... from ALL the guys?!

    i think she SHOULD pick sean if she wants a long and 'happy' life with someone.
    but she'll pick arie b/c he's gross... but she's clearly into him.
    and jeF will be the next bach! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. +Can we just talk about the playhouse in Sean's parent's backyard...it had a freaking air conditioner!!!
    +I honestly don't see any connection between her and arie.
    +I could really do with out all the tongue action, bach producers!

    I am team: pick sean because he is the best/but i really like Jef too! :) Jef for the next bachelor!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "where did the camera crew go after emily locked the doors? spent the night on the couch?" -- so true. that scene was so stupid. we need to see her lock the doors so we know she's a good mom? what was that?

    "what is that side shuffle emily just did?" -- yes, i wondered the same.

    "who are these people? what grandparents have that playhouse in their backyard for their grandchild? what?!" -- yup! welcome to dallas!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love me some Jef. Can't even believe it. Your re-cap was superb!

    ReplyDelete
  8. jeF makes my heart go pitter patter. He should ditch Emily and come find me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. jeF makes my heart go pitter patter. He should ditch Emily and come find me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. love the recap here. i like the side shuffle, actually. this time, it seems like she is really more comfortable with showing herself. i can't decide between jef and shawn. i love both. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. p.s. you look like katie holmes in your pic up there....i think we can call her that again now.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's safe to say that I look forward to your Bachelorette recaps every week :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's safe to say that I look forward to your Bachelorette recaps every week :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's safe to say that I look forward to your Bachelorette recaps every week :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. jeF... fave, duh.
    emily's dress and riding around on a ranch? not perf.
    arie... stupid hot... huh? maybe the camera adds ten pounds and unattractiveness to arie alone. i mean, what other explanation is there?

    ReplyDelete
  16. let me start by saying I do not like arie, agree, he is sweaty/oily and not cute. so what if he is a racecar driver? id drive as far away from him as possible. Jef, who even knew the guy would fit in on a ranch?! But I do love them together. Personally I like Chris, but thats just becuase I may be super attracted to him and sean- eh I can take him or leave him.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I literally almost died when Jef read his letter. I love him. Also, I want Emily's dress from their date. And the boots

    More importantly, yay for baby Isla!

    ReplyDelete
  18. i loved jef's letter. oh my gosh that's the kind of romance i long for!
    also, i am smitten by sean. i think he's gorgeous..!! swoooooon.
    ari is kindof annoying me..doesn't seem as cute as he was in the begining.

    ReplyDelete
  19. so i fished around on the interwebs and found a "spoiler" that says it's jef and emily togetha foreva in the end :) that makes me happy!

    ReplyDelete
  20. so i fished around on the interwebs and found a "spoiler" that says it's jef and emily togetha foreva in the end :) that makes me happy!

    ReplyDelete
  21. finally got onto the computer and oh you make me laugh! totally agree on everything (but i still miss RYAN hahaha!) i almost died when sean did the living at home trick...i actually had my hubs watch that part and he was horrified, then found it hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
  22. i can't handle him telling her that he loves her. i feel like emily just gave him that great kiss as as goodbye gift.

    https://www.carlmontpharmacy.com

    ReplyDelete