welp, this episode starts out with 90% of these guys finally getting what they wished for when signing up for the bachelorette. they are now traveling the world. boom. that is why they go on the bachelorette you know. world travels and publicity.
alejandro, you're right. where have you been dude? get yourself out there! you and long haired john.
um. "the ring" that doug and emily walked through in bermuda was pretty much the same thing as the box joe & emily threw their wishes in at the hotel two weeks ago. and we all know how that date ended.
doug… i don't like you. i'm sorry. i just don't know what is off with you, or if it's just everything about you. but you are so weird to me. could you stop saying how great of a dad you are? and how your girlfriend wanted you to wash her car more? you are lame. you acting like you are perfect is making you less and less perfect in my mind. and we all know that my mind is what matters here. he says, "i haven't kissed a girl in…" and i am expecting him to say since him and his wife divorced or something. and he, instead, says, "months". months?
ryan…shaved yo face?
i love how all these guys know exactly what the two on one date is and they don't want it. they are totally hosts of bachelor & bachelorette viewing parties at their houses.
kalon's lips are always, always glossier than mine.
arie. you're funny. your shrek-like voice imitation of doug made me laugh.
emily "hates watching guys compete." funny to sign up to be the bachelorette then, em.
and red team's out of the sailboat race. i thought their boat was going to flip over… now that would have been funny stuff.
sean, i don't think you would have given your right leg to go on that date… that's a little extreme. watch your words or else you will be off my top three. and you don't wanna do that.
charlie, how is going home tonight after not winning the sail boat race the very last thing in the world you expected? it was a 50/50 chance. control yourself.
ryan… why would you say trophy wife? why do you speak? why? why? why?
this white fluffy blanket that keeps falling off arie is extremely awkward. abc, supply some bigger blankets if you want two people to wrap themselves in it.
emily is letting arie know that he will be around for a while. obvi.
and what do ya know? jeF and emily are now wrapped in that same blanket.
jeF keeps saying like. like. like. like. like. and like some more. and then, i like, hurt my finger. his suave hair part is being affected by the wind. in a bad way. jeF why did you not kiss her in that perfect moment?! get your game face on!
ryan. i don't even know what to say about him. oh wait, yes i do. i would smack him right across the face when he was saying we would make some pretty kids over and over again while she asked what would happen if she was just chasing kids around and not going to the gym. he only likes your bod, em. ryan what are you even talking about? all the "girls who are watching emily on tv" are rooting for arie and hoping that you get kicked off. get over the "depth" and get over yourself.
arie has some gray hairs.
wolf says "two" of his friends have kids. only two. count it.
oh em gee. the two person date is so awkward. and the dripping water. drip. drip. drip. emily, you don't like either wolf or nate, so just send them both home. nate is crying about his brother and his friends. nate! you are such a sentimental little guy. you should be the next bachelor… in a couple years, maybe.
ryan is so sure that he is a good catch. wait.. what? you want to be the bachelor? you want to use the position you are in to become the bachelor? go whiten your teeth some more and GET OFF THE SHOW. abc must pay people to fill this position on each bachelor, right? please tell me that is true because this guy is killing me.
can that guy with the ponytail please tell emily that ryan said that so he can go home? puhlease?
emily's ponytail = fake.
i know what you are all thinking about jeF's socks. but seriously my husband is a cali boy and wears his socks up high like that. not with dress shorts, of course. cause he doesn't wear dress shorts. but DC socks with cameo shorts… yes.
who i NEED to go home tonight:
bye now. buh bye now, fellas.
could emily just say that she knows that she doesn't want to be with oh, six or so, of these guys so she needs to kick them all off tonight? i realize that would totally screw up the schedule of shows but then she could get them off, and spend more time with the guys she's actually into, and maybe actually… ya know… get to know them before the engagement? there's an idea.
i sort of feel sorry for michael who's crying and never been in love before.
charlie's crying too. everyone's crying around these parts.
i love the preview of next week. sean and jeF's dates! get it.
who do you think it is that said ricky is baggage in next week's episode? i'm like 99% sure it was kalon by his voice.
does that make me a physco bachelorette viewer? whatevs, i'll claim it.