i missed the bach last night cause my bestie and i were getting award winning pedicures at a new nail salon. I'M KIDDING. it was 16 year old boys with backwards baseball caps and adidas shorts who cut our skin and then proceeded to massage our necks. i can't even. i mean… i just can't. i'll just stop and give them some grace cause i cannot fathom what happened in my life last night.
so there's that.
and here i am watching the bach at nap time…
travis, why are you still here?
doug looks so uninterested in emily arriving at the house. and i am so uninterested in doug.
ryan looks tanner and tanner and arie looks grayer and grayer.
emily is still congested.
if i could guess who wins right now i am going to guess sean. and i just typed "scott" when i meant to type sean. that's how impressed i am with him.
travis' date: what do you have in common besides being southern? do you have fake teeth you are hiding from us, trav?
none of these guys could have ever asked for a better date than the one they are on.
OH MY GOODNESS with the balancing stone. could we find one more traditional lucky in love stone/statue/wishing well in a foreign country? stop it with them. stop, abc. none of you are lucky in love cause you are all on the bachelorette.
and cue the dancing again. emily has to have a man who dances. number one on her list is: obey me. number two is: dance with me on television.
what is a ten on the scale of 8? i don't get that. is that just me?
everything doug says makes me throw up a little in my mouth. i just don't get him or anything he does. why doug? and why ryan? while i'm at it.
ryan you know how to go get the girl? why are you on this show? cause you haven't gotten the girl yet, right? right.
trav gives a hug to emily. and i can't get the picture of him being a youth pastor out of my mind. i like that emily is upfront and honest about no romance with travis. that is the truth. "bye honey" she says. bahahaha.
jeF why are you so astonished that they are taking travis' bag. NO DUDE?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
and then travis chucks the umbrella in the rain storm. buh bye.
i wonder if emily held both jeF's hand and chris' hand through the movie. that would be awkward. and i hate that they are watching this cartoon movie for their date almost as much as i hated the muppets being on the show.
jeF is FREEZING while chris is shooting the arrow. he is straight up shivering.
i love chris' go-get-em attitude. he is cracking me up. but i hate how everyone is hugging after their log toss.
sean breaks the log. NBD.
chris continues to lose every battle and nonchalantly shrugs it off. chris feels brave, is brave. brave, brave, brave. could he say brave one more time?
arie goes in for the kill on their walk. maybe i take back that sean is going win? arie? gimme an a! gimme an r! gimme an i! gimme an e! what's that spell!? ARIE!
ryan keeps things fresh and new. at least his hair cut and white v-neck.
jeF. farmer flannel. jeF cannot stop saying FEEL. and LIKE. and he loves novel feelings. OHMILAWD. the FEEL. the LIKE. feel like. like feel.
as much as i am on team jeF… it does look a little bit like emily is kissing a boy… who is much, much younger than her.
did he just say that he is freakin' crazy about her? jeF is the type of guy that will slap the word freakin' in front of every other word he says.
i like that arie is squinty eyed starring at her giving the rose to chris. i would toats do that.
jeF, arie, and chris all have their hoods up. chillin. straight up.
and i am so embarrassed for ryan and the way he talks.
is oystering really a word? i guess so cause no red line is coming up here in blogger drafts.
is ryan wearing sweatpants on their date?
emily keeps making a scrunched up duck face at him.
stop winking ryan. stop. you are such a skeeve ball. BYE. finally.
hey doug, you did not have to come on the bachelorette. it was a choice for you to travel the world with this group of dudes all fighting for em's love. no one held a gun to your head. and no one is forcing you to stay. if you need to go home then go home. which i wish you did tonight.
it's a wrap.