Tuesday, May 22

the bach.

a of all) yes i love Jesus and i watch this really cheesy reality tv show… give me grace.

b of all) i don't understand why people go on the bachelor/bachelorette. who wants to date someone that is dating 15 other people? any other time this would be called cheating. not on the bachelorette though. nope.

c of all) here's my recap from last night:

i just can't bring myself to look at the tv screen, see this group of grown men sitting around the fire pit, most older than my husband, and take them seriously. "this just got real" date card reader man says. if he was a blogger, it would have been written like so:

this.just.got.real.


kalon, you must have been dealt the villian card by abc. sorry, dude. i'm sure you won't come close to courtney on the bachelor, don't worry.

a group of men sitting around a pool at a mansion seems so strange versus a group of women doing the same. could they go play basketball or something?

i'd like to have mark driscoll lay into some of these guys. men are let to be boys for way too long. can i get an amen?

ryan and emily… don't feel the connection. i don't know if anything could be more awkward than them dancing in front of all those people. i'm embarrassed for them just typing this. and i have no idea who those people were singing.

i sort of hate how every bachelor and bachelorette says i see a future with them. can we come up with some new lingo? please?

emily, can i have your teeth? and body while you're at it? mmmkay thanks.

can't handle that the muppets are there. awkward.

can't handle the dates in general actually. prom gowns, mansions, rock climbing, muppets, and repeat!

buhbye joe. joe seemed a little hostile about the departure, no? maybe it was the pink plaid shirt?

what else am i forgetting? 

jef! with one f, people. count it. F. when i first saw him i thought he was so young and so little. which... i guess emily is as well. but then i sort of felt like they were twiterpated with each other when they sat there debating if she gave him the look or not. jeF, she gave you the look. i saw her. i am shocked to say that jef is growing on me and just might have taken my numba one contender place. 

there is one man in the crowd that looks like bon jovi. you know who i am talking about. 

okay... i think that's it. 

oh ya, i googled the winner. they, whoever they are, cannot confirm the final winner but can give us the top three. and i believe them. cause i googled courtney and she won. my guess is in the next week or so they will tell us the winner. and i can't wait. i like to ruin surprises for myself. it's just who i am. now, please give me your commentary on the bachelorette. few things in my life thrill me more than this right now.

this is what my life has come to.
blogging about the bachelorette.
don't be too jealous. 

64 comments:

  1. so. i am with you on jeF. he became so endearing to me last night. why is this what my monday night amounts to? other bach vocab that could go: journey, risk-taking, "i don't like opening up to people", "i didn't know this would be so hard."

    this is like the 108th season, no? (and yet, i watch.)

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    1. i didn't know this would be so hard is a classic.

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  2. truth.

    i have been team jef all along (yes, one full week now.)

    ryan? no spark. joe? def. pissed.

    i don't think those have always been emily's teeth.

    can't wait til next week!

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    1. bahaha i don't think so either. may be the same for other body parts as well. just sayin.

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  3. i didn't feel the connection between ryan and emily, either. i don't like him. i see right through him.
    i too want emily's teeth and body, but not her personality. jef is also growing on me. he's super cute but i also think arie seems pretty "real" and doug is beyond gorgeous.
    villain or not, kalon acts entitled and too ritzy/preppy.
    muppets was SO AWKWARD.
    bachelorette is my guilty GUILTY pleasure.
    not sure about michael's hair; when is he going to get more screen time?
    don't tell me who wins.
    love u!!!

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    1. yes, kalon needs the boot. wait.. who's michael?? i forget!

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  4. let's try this again...shorter this time. 1. I hated the muppets part (which was basically half of the show, no?) I liked Doug until he flipped out on chopper guy ("just check it"). And I know everyone is gonna hate me, but Emily's teeth kinda make her look like a horse...just a lil bit.

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  5. let's try this again...shorter this time. 1. I hated the muppets part (which was basically half of the show, no?) I liked Doug until he flipped out on chopper guy ("just check it"). And I know everyone is gonna hate me, but Emily's teeth kinda make her look like a horse...just a lil bit.

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    1. i agree! sometimes i stare at her and wonder what is weird and i can't stop starring at the teeth. but…all that to say - they are perfectly white and straight and homegirl (me) could use some of dat.

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  6. -jeF is definitely growin' me.
    -her veneers are a liiiiittle much for her face & petite frame.
    -the ONE DB on the show is from Houston...go figure.
    -I big puffy heart love realitysteve.com & ALL of his spoilers!!!!!!!

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    1. yes the veneers are out of this world…did you read the spoilers yet?!

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    2. heck yes! I love to ruin it for myself!

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  7. i'd like to have mark driscoll lay into some of these guys. men are let to be boys for way too long. can i get an amen?

    bwahahaha! i loved your recap!!

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  8. i do not watch the bach any longer, but i'm fairly certain you are lying. there can't be a person whose name is jeff with one F. and the muppets would never sink so low. as far as men being boys for far too long, here's my AMEN.

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  9. most hilarious part of the night was when joe saw emily walking down the stairs (prom style) and HE COULDN'T TALK! The hubs and I rewound that part like 5 times, and died laughing. seriously, I fell. off. the.couch. If you have it tivo-ed, go back and listen, he says like 10 things at the same time, so basically said nothing. Gibberish. (which wasn't too far off from all the other times he opened his mouth). He finally managed to say "I don't know what to say". it was pretty profound, as in ridiculous.

    and i'm sorry, but a 10 page letter? poor ton ton had to listen to the whole thing and then make his move.
    lastly, stevie needs to be gone. stat.

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    1. i wish i had tivo so i could watch it back. and how did i forget to write about the LETTER?!

      the fact that you call tony ton ton cracks me up and makes me know that we would be great friends in real life. i love me some nicknames. HA!

      buhbye stevie

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  10. i love you. reality tv can suck it though. dramz.
    hahahaha.

    no. for real.

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    1. how can i convince you to watch this??

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    2. it's like dessert! we work so hard doing our life and working and thinking and sometimes you need a lil brain dessert like the bachelorette. can i get an amen danielle?

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  11. I (ashamedly) watched both episodes online yesterday...it's just so crazy. I watched the Bachelor last season, too (HATED Courtney!)...I just feel like it's so fake. Like, "hey, we should get to no one another & start thinking about our future together, but the only thing I really have going for me is my great hair & big muscles..." you know? ;)

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    1. agree. i think it being so bad is what makes it so good? maybe? possibly? is it monday yet?

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  12. 1. I have never been team jeF. He looks like he is in high school and the skateboard didn't help

    2. The Muppets?!? Sooo awkward. I am pretty sure they paid the guys to say it was cool...

    3. Kalon and Stevie both have to go! but they wont because ABC will make Emily keep them for the drama. thats too bad.

    4. Where are all the Men??? I just see a bunch a boys...

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    1. yes kalon and stevie need the boot. i will convince you to like jef, my hubby is skateboarder ;)

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  13. I used to watch ALL the time in college...but it doesn't quite have the same quality when you aren't sitting in a room full of girls and rather a room with a fiance who wants to kill you for watching it!

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  14. I used to watch ALL the time in college...but it doesn't quite have the same effect that it used to when I watched in a room full of women. Now when I want to watch I get the stink eye from the hubs..and must move on!

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    1. agree… i watch it tuesdays online when the kids are sleeping. my hubs thinks it's redic. which i do too but i mean… c'mon.

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  15. it is such a crazy show. everything about it is just wrong :) whenever I watch it, I am physically in pain, yet I watch it!

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    1. sarah! we need to watch it together! if there isn't a ranger game on on monday night you best come over ;)

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  16. i have the same feelings.
    i know they were trying to add ricki, but the muppets? weird.
    i am actually not a fan of ryan, i think he is trying WAY to hard to say the right things. could just be me, but i dont like him.
    um, why do we have to wait until next week to see arie? already obsessed.
    i am on the fence with jeF. i like him but not so sure for emily.
    kalon: way to make us houstonians look like snobby fools. thanks.

    i do like the bachelor way more than the bachelorette.... maybe cause i expect women to get all hyped up over a guy but watching guys do the same just doesnt seem very manly.

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    1. i agree about ryan! i did not see the connection. smooth talker. hop the fence to the jef side!

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  17. I can't stop watching, and I can't decide if I want to be ashamed about that, or just embrace it. For now, I'm embracing it.

    - Jef is my favorite. I can't believe I'm saying that (one F!?), but yep. There it is.

    - Arie's a close second, and I thought I could like single dad Doug, but I've decided: I can't. His biceps are distracting. Get a bigger shirt, man.

    - I liked Ryan, but that 7-page letter? Too Ross-and-Rachel for me, and a little ridiculous after ONE. DATE.

    - I think Emily is gorgeous, but I'm not sure about some of these wardrobe choices. That purple pageant dress Monday night was a bit much and seemed to gape in all the wrong places (but I loved the little gold dress she wore earlier in the episode).

    - The entire Muppets segment was far too long, but I am kind of a sucker for these scenes between mother and daughter. So precious.

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    1. embrace it, always embrace it friend.

      i so agree about jef… a pleasant surprise? arie… i'll give him second place too.


      i couldn't deal with the pink mini skirt and gray tank top on stage. i don't get it.

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  18. -Kalon and Emily have the same dentist.
    -Charlie is soo cute!
    -Arie is going to take it home. Emily has a thang for fast cars and hot men!
    -Love that they are taping in Charlotte so that Em can be with Ricki.

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    1. bahahahhaha.

      and yes, charlie - he's a good guy!

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  19. I love that you just wrote that. Couldn't have said it better myself. I love your blog way more than before now BC of this post. every season I say I won't watch it but every season I do.

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  20. i am SO regretting that I bet on ryan after watching episode 2 but we had to make our bets after episode 1. And I totally like Jef because he is one of the few guys I can imagine being at least FRIENDS with. And yeah, ABC has to pick a villian and poor ol' Kalon, err, rich Kalon, got chosen.

    Emily, emily. Girl. You are a momma; whatcha doing on reality tv? is this a good example for your daughter? hells no. oh well.

    and mark driscoll. although i am not a HUGE driscoll fan, i do love the way he speaks to men. (grow up, move outta your parents' house, pluck that unibrow, pay for that date!) and I think he would add an interesting element. OOOH-- he should replace chris harrison b/c clearly chris should not be on the show as a relationship guru as he's getting divorced. :/

    one plus: normal-esque dates for these people (minus flying to west va.) anyone can fall in "love" w/ lots of wine and a beach date. doing more "normal" stuff is more realistic.

    this was a long comment. shoot. i feel lame.

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  21. i love love loved your recap:o)...arie is by far my favorite. ryan is awkward. jef looks like he's 18. why didn't stevie go home? kalon seems a bit sleezy...i think that's all! can't wait for next weeks recap <3

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    1. arie… you all love him! i like him but i do like jef! i think he's around the same age as em, no?

      do you like how i refer to her as em?

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  22. I've been saving this and saving this, waiting for the opportunity to watch it on my DVR and then read up. It's like a drug, I tell you.

    I'm not feeling it with Ryan either. It felt way awkward.

    Speaking of awkward, Tony standing to the side while Ryan read that letter? It shaved years off my life.

    Also, when Doug was going at it with the luxury man at the pool, he said "check it" like ten times. That was weird.

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  23. bahaha! this seriously made me laugh. Probably because most everything you thought is exactly what was going through my head as I watched in via DVR last night. Too funny. I don't think I want to know who wins. Bc I would probably stop watching for sure. ha.

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    1. hahaha i like to know so that i can keep a close eye on him the entire season. i need help. obvi.

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  24. OK
    1. Muppets... i am the only one in the universe that liked the Muppets on the show (yes,weird for The Bach. but my husband and i have a thing for the muppets and the song rainbow connection..sorry peeps)
    2. courtney= hated her. Kalon= hate him and YES he will stay for a long time to gain viewers AND we WILL watch
    3. Ryan- that letter...crazy long and why did Tony stay in the room while Emily read it...seriously, weird!
    4. Can't pick who i like yet, im always wrong.
    5. Emily looks like a barbie, im amazed at her. i want to be her (not really but maybe for one night)
    6. Joe- messed up by not saying he saw himself with a family and kids in 5 years...thats what she wanted to hear. p.s.- i love that old romantic southern hotel..beautiful.
    7. The Bachleor/Bachleorette is a waste of my life BUT i can't turn away. Love it.
    Thanks for this fun post!

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    1. hey stand up for your muppets - defend em if you love em ;)

      yes, totally agree about joe. he just wants to be HAPPY.

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  25. 1. "______ is the perfect place to fall in love" = worst line ever. "I'm just ready to be in love. I thought it was her." (when they get kicked off? annoying).
    2. joe was totally hostile when he left. musta been a big blow to the ego. but dude, you can't say "relationships, kids, career... there's not really any particular order to that. it's kind of a balance that works itself out." that means you don't want kids. at least not immediately. that means you lose.
    3. Ryan = complete poser. talking about how excited he was for the helicopter or bungee jumping and then they pull up to her house to bake cookies? but acting like he's fine with it.
    4. and those are her "mom clothes"? please.
    5. the dancing in front of all those people = most awkward thing. ever.
    6. the muppets were so crazy lame.
    7. the way that one guy mentioned he had a kid, by prefacing it with how much he enjoyed the muppets and he probably liked helping the kids more than everyone else... because "I have a 5yr old son"... is dumb.
    8. Doug getting super defensive about that little silly guy saying "he took time off from being a dad"? sorta too over the top. if you know you're a good dad & you really don't feel guilty leaving for weeks on end, you wouldn't be so defensive. who really actually thinks they're going to fall in love and legitimately marry the person they meet on the bachelor? it's almost a statistical joke! so you're leaving your kid to have your 15 minutes. not to "find love". your 12yr old son encouraging you to "do something for you" is not a good excuse. what does he know?

    9. is that enough commentary?

    10. I can't believe I watch this show.

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    1. agree with everything. every.thing.

      i can't believe it either. so bad but so, so good.

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  26. Hahaha I could not agree more with all of this!
    1. I have yet to be convicted about watching this show which is good because I am so obsessed with it.
    2.Jef is my favorite. if only I could marry him.
    3.Emily is basically a living barbie doll.
    4.AMEN to mark driscoll!! they wouldnt make it out alive.
    5. Now on the other hand, I volunteer as tribune..i mean as the first christian bachelorette and would love tim tebow to come. that is all :)

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    1. um girl. can we please nominate you to be the bachelorette? you are GORGEOUS and i am toats 100% in support of you going on the show ;) ps: i went to liberty too.. just online.

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  27. Um- you are my favorite. I don't watch the bachelorette (my tastes are far more immature then that. haha!) but this makes me want to watch it. Or maybe you can just keep posting these kind of recaps so I can pretend I'm in the know. (ps- I'm a surprise ruin-er too. I read the last page of the last Harry Potter book before it was even for sale. HA!)

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    1. you need to watch it girl. i will keep blogging about it til you watch it. i ain't kidding.

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  28. you know i love you and you know this just made my night. of course i watched the show and loved/hated it all at once. your commentary is spot-on :) perhaps we need a viewing party? pj's/loungewear required? and snacks!

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    1. UM. YES!!!! this monday is memorial day but the next one. my place? i'm inviting sarah sprague too cause she's the only other one who admitted to watching it. bahaha. snacks are required to not be healthy. i'm not kidding.

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  29. jeF is my favorite. i like his "flock of seagulls" hair do too. and the fact that he rode in on a skateboard. i mean, come on. that's amazeballs.

    but emily's teeth? ACK. so gross. i thought she was 40, until they said she was 26, and i'm all "she's freaking older than me?!" no way.

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  30. 1. i agree, watching boys sit around poolside seems a little... strange.
    2. jef, you are not 27. you are 17.
    3. joe, you are not matthew mcconaughey. so you shouldn't style your hair like that.
    4. you also shouldn't wear pink plaid shirts.
    5. boys still laying by the pool... still weird
    6. everyone hates kalon. i kind of feel bad for him. but then i remember the helicopter thing and i don't anymore.
    7. the hotel emily & joe are at is decorated like the inside of my grandma's house.
    8. i'm glad emily did something else with her hair at the cocktail party than her usual beachy waves.
    9. kalon pity party waaah waaah
    10. aaaah poor cute bio teacher aaron!
    11. anyone else think kalon's had some "work done"? just something about his face....

    okay. those are my eleven observations. boom.

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    1. bahahahah joe totally channels matthew mcconaughey.

      kalon def had work done. no question.

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  31. ha ha I loved this post! I also wrote my own recap for this episode on my blog :)
    Jef is also my #1, also really love charlie, seems like a big teddy bear to me!
    Hope you do one of these every week, love reading other people's thoughts on this crazy show.

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  32. the fact that you watch the bachelor[ette] thrills me. i just started watching last season and it's so RIDICULOUS i can't stop. my friend writes pretty hilarious recaps here: http://thisismyhobby.wordpress.com/ you should check them out. their almost better than the show itself.

    oh, and jef is for sure my favorite too. SUCH a cutie.

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