disclaimer: if you love all aspects of breastfeeding you may skip this post. or if you are pregnant with your first child. or if you don't want to know about the terrors of breastfeeding. no one really has to read this at all, but it was a tad bit liberating and freeing for me to write it all out and click that publish button. let a girl live a little.
breastfeeding loving moms will be coming for me in the middle of the night after reading this. and they won't come unarmed. oh no. they'll have lansinoh by the tube full and la leche league pamphlets.
friends. i know that breastfeeding is best for my baby.
i know the long list of benefits it has for my girl.
and, the best part of all, it's free!
but can i tell you something?
my boobs freaking hurt.
and i don't mean ocassionally.
i mean all.the.time.
that is on top of all the other areas of me that hurt after childbirth.
here's a little TMI for you.
i have a small crack on my left nipple.
do you know what that small crack is causing me to do?
curl my toes into the ground, clench my fists, and pray for labor pains to replace the pain for her latching on and eating.
oh ya know, just some of your after birth supplies.
and then the 2.5 hours in between each feeding, from my elbows, up my arms, down my chest, all the way to belly button aches. aching because my boobs are twice the size of my baby's head and still so full. even if she eats 10 to 20 minutes each side.
showering? ha. forget about it. it hurts too bad to be under the water at all.
since i cannot even bear to nurse story on my left side i broke out the electric double breast pump that was passed down to me after i had brody. it must be at least 6 or 7 years old.
i pumped about 2 ounces and all the sudden the thing started shaking and i could hear parts rumbling inside of it.
and, in that moment, a little part of me died too.
had to fork over $100 to buy a new one.
then comes the pumping and giving a bottle dilemma...
should i give my 7 day old baby a bottle? will she go back to the breast? oh, the debate. people. it is the debate, you know. i can't not pump because i am in so much pain from engorgement, and i can't nurse because i will lit.tra.lee. die from the pain.
i get this weird tingly feeling all down my right arm and both legs every time story's eating. i have to violently shake them to make it somewhat stop. you're welcome for that mental image.
the second story starts nursing i am ravenous. RAVENOUS. feed me baked goods of any sort but don't come too close or i'll eat you.
and know what else? everyone i know who is breastfeeding right now has cracked nipples, thrush, or mastitis. mmmkay?
need i say more?
need i say more?