Tuesday, December 6

hey ladies...

if you really wanna get buck wild...

oh, i'm sorry. i don't know why that comes to my head when i type hey ladies. who sings that anyway? lil' kim? that's lil, not little. ok? i'm sure that is not even close to who really sings it but it brings me back to 12th grade. ooh, 12th grade.


ok, back to my post.

HEY LADIES… here are some things that i would suggest you do not say or do to a pregnant woman. especially cause you're a lady, too. right? right.

while meandering through michael's with my girlfriend the other night, a woman, about my mom's age, stares at me, and by me i clearly mean my stomach, and begins to foam at the mouth. she didn't really foam at the mouth but she might as well have. her eyes bulge out of her head and she exclaims, "WHEN ARE YOU DUUUUUE?!?!??!" as if she is so convinced that i am going to give birth that very second and can see this child's head coming out of me. i smile and say "oh, not til february." her response is, "OH MY GAWD. i'm so sorry." hmmm… i ponder to myself for a second. what are you sorry for? saying that? or that i'm not due for another couple months? both, perhaps?

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well, instead of offering up my usually shrug, smile, and it's okay, something came over me. maybe it was my friend who was starring at me, so lovingly, wondering if it hurt my feelings. which, by the way, it didn't. i love being pregnant, i feel great, and it actually doesn't bother me personally at all. this is my third time walking the i'm-pregnant-and-going-to-give-birth-to-an-extremly-large-baby road. i've heard it all, my friends. i am asked if i'm having multiples on a weekly basis. no biggie. to me, there is really nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman, nothing more beautiful than seeing a little life grow. now, hear me out, when i look at myself in the mirror naked and pregnant (or naked and not pregnant... let's be honest) i don't say to myself, wow look at that beauty. sagging boobs and a stretch marked stomach don't usually ooze those thoughts out of me. but when i see another woman carrying a baby, i beam. it is beauty. is it not?

so, anyways. i had just recently had a conversation with another friend, who is also with child, and these comments really do get to her, and really do hurt her feelings. she takes them to heart and genuinely gets upset and offended when people make comments or ask questions like this. and i get it. oh, do i get it. we are carrying babies. we are not sitting around gaining weight in our stomach for fun. there is life inside us.

so, i look at the woman and say something along the lines of, "excuse me ma'am? can i tell you something quick? i have to tell you that some women are really offended by comments and questions like this. i'm carrying a baby, and i feel good thankfully, but many, many woman do not feel good. they feel heavy, and uncomfortable, and not themselves. they don't want to be reminded that they have a long time left to go in their pregnancy while someone thinks they look like they are going to give birth this very minute. and, especially as another woman, it is really important to respect that and be sensitive to a mother's feelings."

she starred at me.

and then i did this:

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just kidding. i didn't do that.

but i should have.

because it felt like, at that very moment, in the scrapbook paper aisle at michael's, that i said what i have wanted to say for quite some time.

she apologized. and i? i was a little proud of myself and a little taken aback at my own response.

so… hear me out, ladies…

if you are saying and asking these things to pregnant women, i still love you and i shall forgive you. but, let's change it for the future, mmkay? starting now. and spread the word.

also… if you are on getting on the no rude comments to a pregnant woman train, you are also getting on the following two trains as well: the do not ask a woman when she is due if you don't know if she is pregnant or not train and the i will not rub any pregnant stranger's stomach…no matter how tempted i am train.

on behalf of gestating women everywhere…. thank you. thank you very much.

51 comments:

  1. Ok, really?! I just don't understand why women aren't aware, or aren't sympathetic to how their comments sound? Like you said... we're all women! We know what its like to hear something that can hurt our feelings! Why do we feel the need to make some not so awesome comments to others? And FYI... I think you are the cutest and your baby bump is perfect!
    And I'm so proud of your come back! I really need to step it up and get the guts to let people know when they are over stepping their bounds and being rude!

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  2. i never went to 12th grade, but loved blu cantrell.
    she rocked that song.

    and way to go, mama! people ought to kindly speak out like you did more often. there are so many people who need informing/reminding:)
    you ARE beauty full. and i love you.

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  3. Woah, I had had several encounters like this with this last pregnancy and I wish that I could had shared my heart the way you did. Way. To. Go. You look majorly hot, btw. Way to rock that bump.

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  4. That's pretty awesome, not her comment but yours, and your making us think for a second that you really made that face and held your arms like that! LOL love it!
    I was pregnant when I was 19, and let me tell ya, the comments and glares and stares don't get any worse. I mean women would look/stare at my belly, then look at my face (noticing how young I was), then they'd look at my finger to see if it had a ring on it, then they'd stare at my belly again. Sometimes they literally literally shake their heads!
    Then when I was 7 months along I was a WITCH, (maybe not the best choice but who cares), anyway, I was a door greeter at Sam's Club, and I kid you NOT a lady comes by as she hands me her receipt like they do when they are leaving and as I was checking her receipt she says, "Whatcha got in there? Little devils? ahahahahaha"
    I mean WOW...So I hear ya hon, I mean people just don't think. I think it's cool that you don't take it personally, it's got nothing to do with YOU, but everything to do with the other person (meaning they are clueless, not thinking etc...)
    I love how you handled it!

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  5. Oh my goodness, I LOVE this!! And can totally relate. For some reason when I'm pregnant grown men (strangers) feel the need to talk to me and stare and such. One went so far as to touch my belly...and then I almost punched him (and I am typically somewhat shy)!!
    You look amazing, by the way!! I love that pic in the kitchen :)

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  6. i love your blog and i love you. amen sister!!

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  7. you totally should have done the jazz hands.
    i'm proud of you. bring it!

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  8. Amen! Amen to the "Hey Ladies" song, I mean. And the preggo comments, too. Those were never fun to receive for almost 2 years straight. You look beautiful, darling!

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  9. Oh Danielle! What is UP with some people, hey?! You preach it for all the preggo women of the world!!
    And ps. "Hey Ladies." Blu Cantrell. Slightly embarrassed that I know this? A little. But man, did that song ever rock back in '01. ;)

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  10. I think pregnant women are BEAUTIFUL! I've never been pregnant but I've had enough pregnant friends to get incredibly annoyed by the insensitivity with which people address pregnant women. ESPECIALLY WOMEN!! You almost expect some men to be a little slow but telling another woman, "You're huge!" is so rude! I go on a mini-rant every time I see it. (People on fb are horrible offenders.)

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  11. Cracking up!
    You look fantastic!
    And I love those comments!
    I feel like "yay, look at me- that is one giant baby in there and I'm gonna deliver it"! But I would never say those comments to others because it does upset some people.
    I was dying just now as I read that cause I couldn't believe you said those things- you really got me.
    I would of said "yeah- my water broke at home, but my girlfriend and I really wanted scrapbooking paper- why did you see some of the fluid on the floor?"
    lol- I wouldn't of said it- but definitely thought it!

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  12. Seriously havent people ever heard the phrase "if you cant say somethin nice...dont say ANYTHING at all!"
    You had me laughing out loud...the pose and all. Good for you for saying something...politely, of course.
    Love and miss you. You're beautiful and Im so glad you're feeling well.

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  13. i agree, you should have done the jazz hands! haha

    good for you...and i am not having anymore babies--4 is enough for me--but i hated when people touched my belly, so thanks for that PSA, too! =)

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  14. This is too funny! I'm so impressed that you said that to her! I always think, after the fact, oh I wish I would've said this or that and then kick myself for not. I had a little 2 year old tell his momma that I was huge! lol. Kids state the truth, no? It made me laugh.

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  15. This post made me literally laugh right out loud. You are a great friend and I think you look fabulous ;)

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  16. I HATED when people would touch my stomach especially without asking. Grrr!

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  17. Bahahaha LOVE THIS! My giant baby bump thanks you for standing up for all bumps everywhere :)

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  18. girl good for you! and you are not that big seriously you have such a cute little belly!! Rock it. As for the random strangers,people just got some nerve!!

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  19. Preach!

    One of the most embarrassing moments of my life... I was engagement ring shopping with Jake, which should be one of the most exciting moments of your life. The salesman that was helping us asked me when I was due. Still inappropriate if I looked like I was 100% clearly pregnant, but of course I wasn't. I understand that I am a curvy girl, but at no point do I think if you have a doubt in your mind should you even bring up the whole pregnant thing.

    I mean, being pregnant is not a joyous time for everybody. Many women have different circumstances surrounding their pregnancies, which sometimes are very difficult and can be a very low point in their lives.

    If you don't know someone it is none of your BEESWAX!

    Great post! You had me laughing with your Blu Cantrell comment. In fact, I had to google "Hey ladies if you really wanna get buck wild" to see who the singer was. Fun fact, your blog comes right up haha.

    xoxo

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  20. P.S. You look amazing, lady. Truly a very gorgeous girl regardless but doubly cute pregnant :)

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  21. man, I wish I was as cute as you when I was prego!

    Old ladies are the best. For some reason, they don't think that the rules that used to apply to them do anymore. Like, cutting in line at the grocery store or driving like a crazy person...or SAYING CRAAAAZY STUFF TO A PREGNANT GIRL!

    Love these photos!

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  22. hahaha, i loved reading this! So glad you said something. I wouldn't have been able to. I'm far to shy in most cases and would have awkwardly giggled the whole time.
    Also, The song! Whenever someone says "question" all that comes to mind is that destinys child song "question? tell me what you think about me, I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings"

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  23. haha, I had a little girl at TJ Maxx stare at me and then say, " your belly is REALLY big". I wanted to be like, " where is your mother, child". Good grief :) I didn't mind people telling me that I was going to pop any minute; I really looked like I was.

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  24. AMEN, SISTA! AMEN!

    from one gestating woman to another...I thank you VERY much ;)

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  25. this reminds me of a conversation I had last week :

    UPS man- 'wow, getting big!'
    Me- 'wow, that was rude'
    UPS man- [noticing belly for the first time] 'ohh!!! I was referring to your son.
    Me - 'Ah. well then. Where do I sign?'

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  26. You are my hero. I so wish that I could have burst forth from my meek and mild self impart wisdom like that when I was pregnant. My favorite comments came after I delivered. I was quite thin pre pregnancy (and comments on that are a whole 'nother issue) and I had gained quite a lot of baby weight that left soon after birth. "You looked better when you were pregnant" and "What happened? Why didn't you keep those 45 pounds? Now you look all thin again." were some of the best.

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  27. OMG this made me laugh out loud to my own pregnant self. and PS girl you look AMAZING. for reals. I totally TOTALLY agree with all the trains people need to get on. im SO proud you took a stand for us mamas with bulging tummies. you go girl. Way to get buck wild. :)

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  28. Ha! Amazing!! It reminded me of the time I was at a Coffee Bean in LA when I was pregnant with my second. I was about 6 months, but I had JUST HAD MY FIRST ONLY 10 MONTHS BEFORE...that's right, they are 13 months apart. This mama didn't have a chance to breathe let along work on losing the baby weight. Lady at Coffee Bean- "OMG- you are huge! you must be about to pop!" Me- (lying) "Yup, any day now!" I mean, seriously?! I so wish I would have told her what you told your "lady"....ha!! Way to go!

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  29. I am 25 weeks pregnant and LOVE this post! AMEN sister! :)

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  30. FINALLY. Finally someone gives a competent, well-worded response to all those awkward and quite frankly downright rude questions! Good for you.

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  31. i for one think your beautiful belly is ahhmazing. but you already know that. i am a little jealous of your big beauty to be honest. my belly stopped growing and caused complications in both of my pregnancies. hooray for big bellies is what i say!
    good for you for standing up for yourself and all pregnant women.
    as women we should band together and lift each other up.
    great post beauty!

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  32. you look great and i big heart your glasses. supa cute.

    i usually gain 55 lbs when i'm pregnant. i swell like crazy and i have a hard time walking. i heard those kind of things all.the.time. i wish i would have had such a clever response! it would have saved me a few tears :)

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  33. This post made me laugh. I can't believe people sometimes - I always assume that stupid comments like that aren't meant to harm so typically brush them off. Your response was respectful and firm - loved it.

    You're a glowing beautiful woman (pregnant or not)

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  34. you have a precious baby bump...people are just kind of clueless. way to tell her how it is!

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  35. love, love, love this post. You are great!

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  36. That was an awesome response. Really couldn't have said it better maself. As a fellow pregger... THANK YOU!!!

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  37. amen, sister! I stood behind a very pregnant lady in line at target awhile back and cringed through about ten minutes of the checker going on and on about how huge she was and how much she couldn't stand children. it was like being in an awkward snl sketch.

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  38. oh and p.s. I've said it before and I will say it again... You are so cute!

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  39. loved this. as someone who's not quite a mommy yet, thanks for sharing these lessons. and for the record: i think you -- and mommies-to-be everywhere -- are just beautiful.

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  40. frick... annoying.
    some people. huh?
    i got "are you having TWINS?" all the time.
    seriously... twice a week.
    and all my babies were 7lbs and under.
    sheesh.
    at least you had bigger babies to compensate!
    ha ha!
    but i wasn't really that bothered either.
    but i should have pulled a danielle and done the same thing.
    called 'em out!
    awesomeness!
    and seriously... if i was taking a sip of a beverage when i saw the pic of you going 'ta-dah!',
    i would have spit it out all over the monitor.
    that is genius!
    you SHOULD have done it!!
    hahahahahahahaha!

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  41. I was in line at JoAnn last week and a preggo mama with two little ones in tow was being quizzed by two older ladies about when she was due bla bla bla. The poor mama looked worn out and her kids were sorta gettin crazy and she told them she was due next month and that she was really tired. I was astonished when they exclaimed "Oh you don't look that far along! You're so tiny! Wow!" Holy cow I wanted to ask them "Are you for reals right now??" Who gives other people the nerve to make comments about the size/shape of your preggo belly- and I'm sure that was really the last thing this due-next-month-mama wanted to hear. Sheesh! So...thank you for writing this!

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  42. Seriously? Rude random lady!!!
    I think you look beautiful and I can not wait to see your little one!
    I never think of how big someone is whilst pregnant or anything of the sort.
    I see how happy they are, or ((in your case)) How pretty that purple is on you! And how pretty your hair is and can not wait till mine grows out that long!
    Pregnant people are people too.
    PS I love what you told her and I totally think you should have added the little dance//gesture!! :)

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  43. You GO girl! My stomach was ginormous. I used to get those questions ALL the time. Now I get asked if she's my little sister, or if I'm the baby sitter. When I reply "No, she's my daughter" I then get asked "How old are you?" I say "22" and they always look relieved because they think I'm 16.

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  44. Hey Danielle! Love you darling for your post. You just said soooo many truths many pregnant ladies do not dare say. Specially the belly rubbing thing. Some people must think it's not part of your body and they are allowed to touch it. When I was pregnant of my daughter, someone did and I said: you would dare touch someone's belly if not pregnant, right? then don't do it when they are either... LOL

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  45. good for you, lady! i got a few of those comments towards the end. one at trader joes: "need me to boil some water?!" what does that even mean though? i didn't have boiled water present at my labor...

    i'm with you though. L-O-V-E-D being pregnant.

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  46. Props to you for telling that woman whats up. I can't even fathom saying something like that to a pregnant woman - people amaze me...

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