Monday, September 19

third times the charm?

"hoping for a girl?"

"it's gotta be a girl this time!"

"third times the charm!"

don't be offended if you are one of the hundreds, okay maybe not hundreds, who ask me these questions. i think it is almost innate, people just automatically ask it. i am assuming that moms of two or more girls get these questions and comments about having a boy? but then again, we all know what assuming does to one.

people have genuinely looked at me with this burning desire and passion in their eyes for our family and said, "i hope this one is a girl. for you. i really do." you can already see the sadness that will overcome them if i were tell them this baby was a boy. oh the disappointment. ANOTHER BOY? come on. seriously. how could it be another boy?

it's almost as if boys were these unwanted aliens.

a curse?

i have had someone say to me, "when do you bring your little girl home?" talking about our adoption.
i say: "our little girl?"
they say: "you're adopting a girl, right?"
i say: "uhh, no. i mean...we could be. it could be a girl or a boy."
they say: "ooohhh."


let me be the first to pull out my soapbox, my pedestal, or my mountain. i'll climb right up on top of that thing, pull up my falling down maternity pants, and clear my throat.

ahem.

and then? i'll proclaim as loud as i can that: i LOVE being the mom to boys.

i will be THRILLED if this baby growing inside my belly is a boy.

we did not "try" for a girl. we are not placing all our balls in the girl basket. we are not hoping, wishing, and praying that this baby is a girl. by any means.

would we be so happy and excited if this baby was, indeed, a girl? absolutely. the opportunity to parent both boys and a girl would be a gift. but, another boy? we are just as excited. the thought of three boys running around excites my soul. it makes me really, really giddy. when i was a teenager, and i would daydream about my life as a mom, i dreamt of boys. all boys.

i grew up with two sisters. do i need to say more?

boys will never have menstrual cramps. no bras or cleavage, no prom dress shopping, or too short skirts. not to mention no obligation for paying for a wedding? can i get a what what?

Photobucket

bottom line is, this baby is a gift. i would never, in a million years, be upset if this child was a boy.

i would be ecstatic.

the fact that the Lord has blessed us with this little life inside of me is more than enough.

i fully believe that the Lord has created this baby to be just the child that He desires caleb and i to raise.

now, hear me out. i do not think it is wrong to have it be a desire of your heart to raise either a boy or girl. i think the Lord gives of those desires and they are good things. i just don't have a burning desire. i am more focused on praying for this baby to be healthy, rather than praying over what gender he or she will be. that is already determined and perfectly planned for our family. no changing it. no wanting to change it.

we will find out what this baby is in two weeks….

can you handle the suspense?

45 comments:

  1. Greetings from the other side! :) I have 3 little girls and we just found out that we are pregnant again. Everyone keeps asking "so you're going for that boy?". Of course we will be happy if it is a boy, but honestly I would feel kind of like we are breaking the steak. I always wanted a little boy but now that we have 3 girls in the house, I would feel for any little boy that might come into our glittery, tutu filled home.

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  2. I feel the same way! We have two boys and people were always asking us if we were going to try for a girl. We decided our family would be two kids before we knew what our second was, so there was no disappointment, just excitement. I LOVE being a mom to two boys!!

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  3. I am SO with you!! We of course have 1 boy, and my parents (among others) continue to ask us- "If this 2nd is a girl, are you done?".... What kind of question is that!? Aside from the ruffly/frilly little clothes that I can't buy, I absolutely LOVE having a son and think 2 sons would be easier than a son and a daughter. So this time around, it's a toss up-- either way, we will be pleased.

    http://nestofkrohs.blogspot.com

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  4. Oh how this post speaks to my heart. I am mom to 3 boys and one girl. My first 2 are boys and let me tell you, the comments I got when we were waiting for #3. Sometimes I wanted to punch people.
    "So you're trying for that girl, huh?" RIGHT in front of my boys.
    I'd just say, "nope, we're trying for a BABY."
    And we never find out what we;re having until they're born, so we made people wonder until the bitter end.
    When Lilly came out I thought my mother in law was going to die from delight. Even she made it clear that I had to have a daughter because my sons would leave me and daughter a daughter never would.
    Ahem.
    Anyway, I thought the pressure was off now that I'd had a girl.
    But we just had # 4 and the whole time I was pregnant, everyone said, "oh you have to have another girl to make it even."
    And when David was born, people started in telling me that I needed to get busy with # 5 because Lilly HAD to have a sister.
    I think I cannot win.
    :) But like you, I love being mom to 3 little men. And I'll take 3 bodies full of testosterone over 3 with estrogen any day of the week.
    Girls are harder.
    Just sayin.
    Found you from Heather and I can't wait to come back and hear the news.
    Whatever it may be.
    Love from,
    Greta
    PS Sorry this is such a crazy long comment. I'm kind of crazy about the whole boy/girl thing.

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  5. Ha! Love this! And no I don't think boys are aliens because we got the same thing and we had two girl first! We did get our boy but to tell you the truth I was really excited about maybe having three girls, we weren't fussed! But I think everyone else cared more!!

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  6. I have 2 boys and wouldn't change it for the world! I had my kids around 40 so I didn't want to go for a third baby and I was happy with my beautiful boys. But everyone asked the second time if I wanted a girl and then when I had another boy, if I was going to try again for a girl! I'm excited for you...the last couple weeks before due date is so exciting.

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  7. Thank you for this. We didn't find out with either of our children. When our second was a boy we heard, oh now you have one of each so you can be done. I was so frustrated by that comment. Don't get me wrong, I adore having the children God gave me and it's been fun to parent a daughter and a son. I love that He entrusted me with these two crazy, wild, love bugs, but I really didn't care about their gender. I was happy when I had my girl and happy when I had my boy and I would have been fine if the second had been a girl.

    I love your attitude about this! And I also saw myself with boys because I had brothers.

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  8. oh my goodness. I totally relate to this post. I would tell people I thought our baby was a boy, how I wanted a boy, and eventually that it was a boy...

    ...and they would almost always comment about how I was just convincing myself, that all mothers really want girls.

    I love my son and am thrilled he is a boy. I will take the blessings God gives me in my hopes for many more children, be it all boys on girls on out from here.

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  9. can you hear the clapping??? :) Good job mama.

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  10. Amen!
    I have two precious (loud!) boys and everyone asks if we are going to try for a girl...but saying it that way makes me feel uncomfortable.

    And little boys are awesome!

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  11. ah! i know EXACTLY what you're talking about here. it seems to be worse when they're so close in age. like "how old is this one? how far along are you? oh my. both boys? you're going to have your hands full. good luck." type of thing. as if i wasn't already aware of that. i would take 10 boys and be perfectly happy.

    one day we will be eaten out of house and home, but for now we can just enjoy these boys and prepare them to be the men God has inteded them to be. And the best part, God has known what you babies gender would be before he created the world. there is a specific purpose for each of your children. boy or girl!

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  12. i could have seriously written this post. i have two boys (4 & 3) and are finding out the gender of #3 tomorrow. people are crrraazy. like, "i pray for you every night that you have a girl." umm...

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  13. amen, sister! amen! we find out TOMORROW!!!! praying for you, a healthy pregnancy & a healthy baby :) xoxo

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  14. When we start trying for our next we are hoping for a boy.(mostly because the thought of 2 girls scares me) I'll admit it. BUT we wont be any less excited or blessed if the baby is another girl.

    In the end our focus really will only be having a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby!

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  15. Amen!! I have actually had people ask me if I was hoping for a girl (I am 37wks with my second boy) and I say no, I was hoping for this exact baby. it just so happens that he is a boy, and I could not be happier.

    Dont get me wrong, little girls are awesome too, I have three nieces and they are just amazing...but I honestly just want THIS baby that God has grown in my body. Whether it happens to be a boy or girl doesnt change anything

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  16. I think being a mom to all boys would be so fun!

    I saw this quote on Pinterest (unhealthy obsession? maybe.) and thought of you, especially with two little ones on the way:

    "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."

    With little boys like yours how could your heart not be full!?

    xoxo,

    Brhea

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  17. I wanted to jump up & fist pump to this post...maybe later when I can pull my preggo butt off the couch! You're awesome & I can't wait to hear what you're having. Either way it's an incredible blessing!

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  18. Looking forward to finding out!

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  19. Can't wait to hear what your having - boy or girl! :)

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  20. Amen!!! Can't wait to find out what it is!

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  21. I'm a mom of 2 boys (2 and 4) and I've been up and down this roller coaster. With my first I knew I was having a boy and that's what I wanted. I just felt it in my soul that he was meant to be. But when people asked me what I was having and I'd say boy, they would look at me with so much sadness. I used to think it was crazy.
    When I got pregnant with my second, I just knew I was having a girl and to be honest I wanted a boy. I felt bad about not wanting a girl and I prayed I could get used to the idea of having a girl. As I started looking at little girl clothes and little girl toys I started loving the idea. Then I found out I was having a boy. I was shocked because I just knew I was having a girl. But I once I got over the shock I loved him nonetheless. And when he was born, I fell deeply in love with him.
    After having my second son, I had a serious desire to have a little girl. I had such a longing for some pink in my world of blue. But time has gone by and now I'm ok with whatever God has planned for me and my family. If I only have my two boys, I'm more than fine with it. If we have another and it's a boy, I'm more than fine with it (that's what I know anyway) and if we have a girl, I'll be just as than fine with that too.
    Congrats on whomever God has blessed you and your family with and I can't wait to meet them (virtually of course). :o)

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  22. you have a fantastic attitude!
    i love it!
    i can totally get where you're coming from with this post.
    we have 3 girls... count 'em... THREE girlies!
    lots of pink! woah!
    but i love it!
    like you, i dreamt of having a house full of girls.
    so i'm thrilled with my three bundles of pink.
    but it was the SAME thing when i was pregnant with #3...
    "oh, i bet you're hoping for a BOY, right?!?!"
    "you guys would have a PERFECT family if it was a BOY!"
    "your husband must just be itching for a boy, am i right?"
    all those comments...
    i know they're not intended to be hurtful,
    but they often come across as that.
    especially when i think of my sweet baby girl.
    she had no idea that all these people were 'hoping' for a boy and she turned out to be a girl.
    :(
    that makes me sad for her...
    b/c she already is such an amazing and precious gift.
    all children are.
    no matter... boy, girl, black, white, sick, healthy... etc.
    they're ALL precious gifts from our Lord.
    i'm so glad you have a great head on your shoulders.
    i just pray for your little ones to come... that they are, indeed healthy.
    God WILL give you the desires of your heart, my friend!

    ... ok... but can i confess?
    i am TOTALLY in suspense now... anticipating the announcement.
    b/c you ARE going to tell us, right?
    RIGHT?!?!?!? ;)

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  23. This is exactly how I feel. Everyone just KNEW this one was going to be a girl and when we found out it was a boy, I dreaded telling everyone (even including some family) because I knew they were going to be disappointed and I couldn't stand the fact that someone would be disappointed about my precious little boy! Even still as strangers ask what we're having and hear boy, they give me such a sad look and say well you'll just have to keep trying or say that I'm going to have my hands full. It drives me inSANE! Can't wait to hear what you all are having! No matter what, like you said, it's the boy/girl that God has chosen to be apart of your family.

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  24. Love this! I am a PROUD member of the "BoyMom" club. I have three boys and I love it!! They are loud, funny, crazy, wild, abandoned, and completely unaware of how silly they may seem. It's amazing and I have learned so much from them these past almost 6 years. Rock it, MoyMama!
    Oh, and have you seen these? I've been dying for one forever now!http://boymomdesigns.bigcartel.com/product/boymoms-rock-lt-blue-short-sleeve

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  25. Yay!!!! I'm so excited for you! We always joke that we're going to have 4 boys. It may happen!

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  26. Thank you for posting this = I am a mother to 2 boys. I have had a struggle with really desiring to have a girl and feeling guilty about that. and also not always enjoying being a mother to boys! But your post was convicting - and I pray that I too will have the excitement. (please don't misunderstand me - I do LOVE my boys) Thank you for this post!

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  27. amen honey!!!!! i just had my 3rd boy and had comments like that ALL the time. drove me NUTS. now I get the "are you going to try one more time for a girl?" Sigh. I'll take 10 boys, thanks! I love my little men; they are such a blessing!

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  28. Completely agree! I am mom to 3 girls (ages 4, 3 and 1) and will be welcoming #4, a BOY, in January. Just today, at the doctor's office, as we were discussing tying tubes, the nurse said she's sure my husband wouldn't make that decision until the baby is here and he can check for himself that it's actually a boy. Whatever! We love the three little girls we've been blessed with and would welcome #4 with open, albeit full, arms, either way. Well said, my friend! And I say friend in that "I've-been-reading-your-blog-for-months-now-even-though-you-don't-know-me-at-all" sort of way.

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  29. I'm excited for you to have a girl... or boy. Or a girl and boy. Or girl and girl. Or boy and boy. Neither are more of a blessing than the other. I'm excited for your rapidly growing family<3

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  30. Beautifully written. I am the mom to three boys (in a row) and one little girl. We didn't find out what we were having either, mostly because we didn't want others to think we were trying for "the girl", and it drove everyone crazy. We were blessed with what God gave us. He knows who is to be a part of your family. I love my boys, busy as they are. I know that my daughter rounded out our family, and I've seen the tenderness in my boys because of her presence. God knew how our family was to be, and it is just perfect 9if you ask me)

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  31. What a great outlook. I don't have any kids, but I hope I will look at it the same way. It's all in God's hands--& aren't we so lucky that He knows best?!?
    Love, Leigh

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  32. You go, girl! I love that you put this out there!

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  33. Overall I'm with you..a baby is a gift. No matter what the sex.
    I had a girl first, and when I got pregnant again I wanted another girl. Reason? Reuse the clothes, familiar territory.
    What did I have? A boy, a crazy, blue wearing boy. A completely different animal than his sister.
    Thankfully we can still reuse her white onesies. :)

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  34. I love this! I have four boys and I got all the same questions that you've had. We were actually told with #3 that we were having a girl and when he wasn't actually a girl people were so disappointed. I didn't get it. I love having boys. I know how to be a mom to rough and tumble boys and I don't know that I'd be a great mom to a girl (although if God ever gives us one I know He'll equip us for her too).

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  35. you are speakin my language! i had dreams of all boys (i am one of 4 girls!!). only boys. we had 2 boys and then our third one was a girl. do you know what EVERYONE says now??? "Oh, you finally got that girl!" as if!!! they assume that we were hoping and praying and wishing, not for a healthy baby, but a girl baby! we love her to pieces, but we by no means felt dissappointed by not having a girl. (sigh) just know that you are not alone.

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  36. I'm just so happy for you.. boy or girl.. doesn't matter. Either way, you will be blessed with a beautiful precious gift.. but the waiting to just find it out is so hard! lol :)

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  37. I know the feeling! We have 3 beautiful little boys, who light up our home in such wonderful, fun ways. I'm pregnant with our 4th. Everyone assumes that we'll just keep trying for a girl, like boys aren't enough, like our family can't be complete without at least one of each. We won't find out until the baby's born what we're having, so everyone is analyzing my belly & telling me their predictions. Just trying to be patient & gracious at this point.
    Really appreciated your post.

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  38. wow! 40 comments! i guess the gender of a baby is a HOT topic! LOL! i'm with you Danielle. as you know, i have 3 boys. i got those questions and inquiring eyes with baby number two and three. then i got the question: 'will you now "try" for a girl?' um...no. i will not "try" for any gender. God will give my husband and I whatever He feels we can handle. that's true in all aspects of our lives. a boy? a girl? who cares! love that little person until your hearts overflow with joy! hugs to you my friend!

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  39. i know this is a few days old but i was thinking about this and idk if people have already said this, but it's *totally* people projecting on to you what they think you want, or what they think they would want if they were in your situation.

    i feel like i get that a lot--like someone can see an obvious piece of my life (or your life--like that you have two boys and are getting a 3rd / 4th kiddo), and they feel like they can go ahead and assume how you feel about that piece of your life.

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  40. I am with Jessica Gardner. I definitely struggle with being the mom to 2 boys. I do want a little girl with everything that I am. I grew up with a sister and a mom. Men/boys being around doesn't come naturally to me. And although I have a wonderful, super supportive, loving husband, and two loving gentle and kind little boys, I still wish I had pink in my life. But I do agree with Jessica, very convicting post!

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  41. love this post, dear!! You are a great mommy to your boys and God knows exactly what He's doing :) Love your attitude! What God gives is perfect. Always.

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  42. I really appreciate this post. I am expecting in July and have a son already. A part of me has always wanted a girl, but I know that is not necessarily God's heart. A child is such a blessing no matter the sex and I feel like the desire to have a girl really is more about my selfish desires of room decor, girl's clothes, than it is about trusting God's plan for me and my family.

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