well hello there, lovely readers.
i am emily...wifey to mr. anderson and mama to 5 little people running around, with another nugget on the way. i blog our daily adventures over at the anderson crew.
be warned. my kids are cute. very cute.
when danielle asked me to write up a guest post on adoption, i honestly didn't know where to begin, or which aspect of adoption to write about. you see, everyday of this adoption process has been different for me. the feelings and emotions brought with it many tears, laughter, heartache, excitement, joy, frustration...the list goes on and on. now that our daughter is home with us, the entire process has become more real to me. when you are in the process of bringing a new little one into your home, it's exciting, and a bit scary...but mostly exciting. while waiting for elsa to come home, i experienced so much pain...for her. my heart broke for this little girl who was sitting in an orphanage, across the world. so many things were holding our case back, and it just didn't seem fair.
it wasn't until after my daughter got home, that i realized how painful and hard the process actually was. in march of 2011, we finally got to bring her home to us. and just 2 short weeks later, i found out that i was pregnant with a surprise baby. we were blown away, to say the least. i was laid up on the couch for the next 3 months as i battled with severe sickness. elsa became just "another person to take care of" in my eyes. as sad as that is, it's true. it was hard to take care of this little girl, who i hadn't had a chance to bond with yet. as i got friendly with my toilet (throwing up all day long) she was just there. waiting for a mom to love on her...probably not understanding what was happening to me, but i'm sure thinking "take me back to the orphanage...this sucks". thankfully, my husband and 4 other kids helped her adjust to our family. they taught her the ways of our home...and i am excited to say that she is doing great.
unfortunately for me, i still struggle with loving this little girl...on a daily basis. i have to get up every morning and ask for strength from the Lord to help me to love this little girl as if she was my own biological child. hearing that statement, you would think she is this horrible child---but that couldn't be further from the truth. i'm telling ya, God knew we needed an easy adopted child, for the road ahead that we faced. and that is exactly what He gave us---an easy child. she obeys...eats all her food...does her chores...helps the family. the girl would clean the entire house if i asked her too, she is just that helpful. and she wants to be that helpful. i am so grateful for her personality and good attitude. and she's happy. it's just the love aspect of it all that i struggle with. i wrote a post on it a while back, adoption and love. i got so many good responses to it, and started to feel like maybe i wasn't alone in this struggle. that's a refreshing feeling. knowing that "yes, what i'm going through is hard BUT many people are feeling the same way...and YOU CAN get through this."
it is my desire to love this little girl with a mothers' heart. to be her mama bear. to protect her unconditionally and to squeeze her because i don't want her to leave my arms. i just know that it's a long and hard road to get there. that can be discouraging if i let it be, but if i make the choice to love her (even when i don't feel like it), my hope is that it will just come naturally to me one day. love is an action...not a feeling.
i have a few other mamas mentoring me and keeping me accountable in this process. i am thankful for them and the fact that they care enough about me and my daughter to go along side us in this process.
i hope i haven't discouraged anyone from adopting. that is not my intention. i think adoption is a beautiful thing. a marvelous thing that we all should take part in, someway or another. it is a challenging thing too. and that's okay. what good would we be if we weren't put through challenges every once in a while? this life would be entirely too easy. i am thankful for elsa, and the little life she is. i am thankful that God placed her in our family. He knew what He was doing. He didn't help us raise $20,000 for the wrong child. He didn't move mountains to get the wrong child home to their forever family.
i cling to these reminders.
and to the reminder that God knows the desires of our hearts, and that He hears my desire to love her as my own.