Wednesday, July 6

not guilty

i don't watch much tv. ever. it's almost to a fault how much i don't know about what's going on locally and in the world. i did, however, follow one certain case. one case about a beautiful little girl who's life was taken from her all too soon.

in the spring and summer of 2008 i spent a lot of time on the couch trying to get my firstborn to nurse. oftentimes, while i sat there, i turned on the tv to watch reports of caylee anthony's disappearance and the mystery surrounding it.

and yesterday i sat on the edge of the couch, at 2:15 pm, watching MSNBC as the verdict was about to be announced. my stomach was turning and my heart was beating fast. guilty, guilty, guilty, i whispered.

…...

not guilty.

not guilty.

not guilty.

caleb called me after he saw the verdict in the break room at work, knowing i had been watching at home. i was choked up talking to him and i even shed a few tears. a few tears for a little girl who never deserved the horrific things that happened to her. a few tears of happiness knowing that she was with Jesus and a prayer that He comes soon. a few tears for the unknown.

when it comes down to it, the jury did what it was called to do. there was no solid evidence that casey anthony killed her daughter, even though all of us believed it for many, many reasons. some said that they did what was fair but not what was right.

i wanted justice for this sweet baby girl. i wanted to know the truth. i wanted to hear that casey was guilty. would i have known it the truth if the verdict was guilty? no, but my heart would have felt better. my own sinful heart would have felt better knowing that this woman, whom i believe is guilty, served time for taking her own daughter's life. my own sinful heart saw her sin as so much greater than mine.

i watched twitter blow up over this verdict. i saw and read tweet after tweet after tweet of shock, disgust, and anger.

i was shocked, disgusted, and angry, too.

i read a tweet from my beautiful friend, debra. she said "forever her guilt/innocence will be disputed, reminds me of my own guilt & crazy wild forgiveness."

Jesus died my soul to save.

Jesus died casey anthony's soul to save?

yes, Jesus died casey anthony's soul to save.

do i personally believe she was a part of her daughter's death? yes, i do.

i could be wrong, i could be right.

but, today, as quickly as i picked up each stone to throw it, i sat it back down and prayed.

what do you think?

40 comments:

  1. That thought "Jesus died to save Casey Anthony" rang through my head to day.. and I am ashamed to say it made me sick... sick because I like to think better of myself than I am.. and even though I say I am an awful sinner saved by amazing Grace.. I still partly hold on to my own goodness and virtue.. thinking I am somehow better than "real sinners". That thought drove me to my knees today.. God's grace is radical and vast I am just as undeserving as Casey Anthony is of it..... and yet He still offers it.. His love is amazing.

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  2. I agree. It's just plain heartbreaking.

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  3. I felt the exact same way. I feel in my heart of hearts that she was involved in some way with her daughter's death. Was it a purposeful death? I pray that it wasn't. When I first heard the verdict, I cried, too. I felt angry in a vindictive way, rather than in a righteously indignant way.

    I believe that becoming righteously indignant is appropriate. I had to catch myself to make sure that I was not responding in anger without cause, or above cause, or in a proud or selfish manner. Unfortunately, the world's majority responds out of anger that is vehement and vengeful. We need to remember and take comfort in the fact that ultimate judgement is at God's feet.

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  4. great post danielle. I was shocked of course. to be honest, I stayed away from twitter and FB because I was afraid I would say something I would later regret. I was angry at first, I guess I still am. I find comfort in knowing that she will give an account to the Almighty one day just as I will. justice is always His. I have to admit it will be hard to see her walk out and then proceed to make millions of dollars off of this story in a society that thrives off of these things. but I will continue to pray.pray for casey to find Jesus, pray for their entire family and pray through my sinful feelings about the whole thing. that poor sweet little soul, breaks my heart.

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  5. Well said, my friend. Our God is a God of grace, and He is the only True Judge.

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  6. wow. this was a powerful post. Thank you for humbling me.

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  7. What conviction I feel after reading this. Thank you for humbling me. You are absolutely right! Great post!

    XOXO

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  8. I believe Jesus died to save Casey Anthony's soul. I also believe she should be held accountable for here and now. We must hold people accountable for there actions or we would have absolute chaos. That is why the crime rate is going up so high... people get away with way too much. So while we all deserve hell just as much as she does.... we don't all have to be locked behind bars for killing our child. My thoughts are kind of random here sorry.
    Also, God is still a just God and there is not forgiveness for the unrepentant. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the Truth.

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  9. ...also I would like to say though that as I sat there thinking that the verdict would surely be guilty my heart ached for Casey that she is so lost to be able to do such a thing... and that she is a soul that Jesus died for that remains lost and in ruin.

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  10. Great post! I think this brings us Christians back to many of the same feelings we felt when Bin Ladin was declared dead. We want justice to be served. We want to see the people who do bad things to others to be brought down. But, in the end, we are not the ones who serve the justice, it's our Father. He is the one who takes care of everything in the end. We all have to answer to Him in the end. Even Casey. But like you said, her sin is the same as our own. I want to hate this woman I've never even met, but she is a sinner just like me. But my Savior still loves her just like He loves me. His love is grand and His grace is an ocean.

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  11. @ Ashley and Julia, completely agreed. i believe people will and should have consequences for their sin. ultimately, God is just and the Judge.

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  12. man oh man. so true. and i feel the same way- like my sins arent as big as caseys sins. its an awful feeling. i feel she should have been convicted for that murder.
    and Gods love is truly amazing.

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  13. Great post.
    So true- but it gives us a chance to witness to all those who are discussing it.

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  14. i do believe that she will be judged by God one day but i also believe in the penal system and that people that do horrific crimes should pay for their crimes in this life, here and now. i am sad that because i do not believe that there was justice served for caylee now. it's just heartbreaking.

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  15. @ amy, i agree with you too. i wish that that the outcome had been so very different if she is truly guilty.

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  16. I am amazed at what you just wrote and in awe! WELL said.

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  17. my husband has court room experience...when he got home last night i chewed off his ear about this whole crazy case. He thinks that they took the case to trial too quickly along with too much circumstantial evidence, which in turn did not fare well for little Caylee. my thought is this. we will all meet the ultimate judge when our time comes, & he knows it all we CAN'T keep secrets from him. In the mean time i pray that Caylee is resting peaceful and having fun with all the little children in heaven that have gone too soon.

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  18. i was just glad to be in KS this summer, rather than orlando. we lived about 5 minutes away from where casey and her parents lived, so the hoopla was EVERYWHERE.
    glad i had a choice to watch it or not, rather than be just thrown into it, which is what happened in 2008, when she disappeared.
    such a sad story.
    --em anderson

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  19. I felt the same way. Angry and disgusted that a mother could murder her child and be found not guilty. Do I know for a fact that she murdered her daughter? No. Only God and Casey Anthony know the truth. But I guess I too am a murderer, for my sin helped drive the nails into Jesus's flesh on the cross. And I have been forgiven by God's grace and His grace alone. Praise be to God that his forgiveness, grace and love covers all our sins.

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  20. Thank you so much for this. Sometimes, when I read the horrific things in my local news about murder, or any act of crime against a child I think this. I pray and find peace in knowing that Jesus is with the children and I know they are with him now and in a much better place than all of us. I also wish that justice would have been better served for Casey, but I know that she, just like all of us, will have to call to account our days on earth and God's judgement is the only one that truly matters.

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  21. thanks, danielle, for such an honest post. i love your heart, and i'm grateful for your call to grace here. there's so much i think about this case and about justice in general, but i think you summed up the christian's response pretty well. let's ask questions; let's seek justice and truth; let's offer up prayers and grace. but let's keep the stones safely tucked away.

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  22. I agree. I was angry...
    At first because she was "not guilty" even though it's obvious she played SOME part in it.
    But mostly because you feel so awful for that girl and you want this all to be put to rest.
    And what if she DIDN'T do it... and was proven guilty... she most likely would have the death penalty... with no chance to EVER be saved...

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  23. I live about an hr from where all this is taking place. The jurors were picked from the county right beside mine. The media coverage here was constant from the very first day. I was thankful they didn't come to my county to pick the jurors because I knew I could never do it. I believe within everything in me that she did it.

    I too, like many of us, sat on the edge of my seat waiting for the guilty verdict. And like everyone else I was completely floored when the clerk read not guilty for all 3 major charges.

    I spoke to my mom shortly after and told her Casey would get her ultimate judgement when she stood in front of God. Then it hit me. If she really did it, she could ask for forgiveness and repent of her sins. She could be wiped clean like all the children of God have. In His eyes, murder is no different than lieing. Many of us have already committed murder by having hate in our hearts. He loves her just as much as he loves me and you. So with that, I leave her in God's hands.

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  24. ugh! I just realized I used "there" when I should have used "their". It was late when I typed my comment :)

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  25. maybe it was in fact God's grace... and maybe she will repent and be saved.... God is good like that :)

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  26. I too was greatly upset to hear that she was found not guilty. It's a tragedy that we will never know what really happened to that sweet little girl. I'm sure she will live in a constant state of depression because she is the only one that knows what really happened and she must live with that guilt the rest of her life.

    But honestly, thank you for reminding me of God's grace in all of this! He is big enough to forgive her sin and it's possible that the truth will come out one day!

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  27. i'm so glad you posted this. i got so upset about people's comments on twitter that i had to leave it for a few hours. because in the scope of the world, my thoughts on her innocent or guilt mean NOTHING. i love that our court system grants the opportunity to be fairly tried by a jury of your peers. but with it? innocent people have been convicted, and guilty people set free. as long as we remember that the only true judgment comes from God, it makes me feel good about even this outcome.

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  28. well said, lady. our hearts are set up to crave justice. which means its hard for us to see the guilty walk away free, even when the guilty one is us. i'm convinced one reason many won't submit to God is that they know they don't deserve Him. and they're right. none of us do. and He still calls us by name.

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  29. Wonderfully written and thought provoking post! Yes I too was shocked at the verdict, expecting Casey to be found guilty. I too wondered why I thought I had the right to find her innocent or guilty, then I sat quietly and thought about those jurors who did a job that some of us might let our heart or personal feelings do instead of following the order of the law. I am so proud to live in a Country where we are given the right to a trial by our peers and I have respect for that and those jurors whether I agree with the verdict. I think as mere humans when something horrific happens we want someone to blame and someone to take responsibility. In reality, that does not always happen.

    As for being a Christian, your post hits home right there. Things happen in life that we can not always see however God knows what he is doing. I find it amazing that God believes in me and forgives my sins daily, so I must know it true for everyone, right?

    Thank you for such a wonderful post.

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  30. i can't wait to get to heaven! that's what i have to say about this! this world is clearly not our home.

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  31. This was such a wonderful post. I loved everything you said about forgiveness, it really touched my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  32. thanks for your thoughts... i've been pondering this quite a bit in the last day. i've been touched by the anger that i've seen expressed by so many people... and i wonder who that anger is really hurting? what does justices really mean? who is it really for?

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  33. my dad posted this on FB.

    "For the rest of her life Casey will have to live with the truth. We think we know the truth and we are probably right. But she KNOWS...
    I hope she one day finds THE TRUTH. Jesus died for her the same as me.
    I don't understand why but He died for all this crap we humans have manifested."

    i love your post. Jesus loves Casey just the same as he love me. no more. i am just as guilty. praise his name for grace!

    Emily @ Blueberry's Blog

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  34. i wasnt surprised when the non-guilty verdict was read. there was nothing there to begin with. yes, she was a terrible mother but nothing was proven beyond that. in my heart, i feel that she had something to do with her death - but there's nothing proving that she did it and how can you punish someone for a crime when there's no evidence? it's sad and horrible and terrible. and i wish there was more evidence.

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  35. You wrote this really beautifully and you managed to sum up exactly how I feel. I'm so thankful I was able to read it.

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  36. So beautifully put mama. Its hard cause its a reminder of how God sees His children. She is just as lost and in need of rescuing as we are. as we ALL are. But when i saw all the hate full and mean posts everyone was posting i got as equally as angy as you did. The same disappointed in humanity feeling when people were cheering in the streets about osama bin laaden beeing killed. In our eyes, our human eyes and hearts, he 'deserved' to die. When all that was going on, my husband reminded me that 'we deserve just as much to die as he did. But now, not knowing his heart, did he know Jesus blood was shed for him?" Just a reminder, a very humbling reminder of Gods grace and love over me. His daughter.

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  37. great post, dear danielle! xo

    yes. i am saddened as well. for the little girl who is not getting earthly justice. and also for her mother. guilty or not, she deserves the same thing that i do. nothing. but by the grace of god i have hope. my prayer is that casey will have hope too-in jesus. while i can't judge her relationship to christ, or lack of one, i do know her heart. it's just like my own. sinful. apart from Christ i utterly oppose him, in all i do. bent on my own selfishness and pleasure. praise god for cleansing me, forgiving me undeservingly, gifting me freely his GRACE. he alone is judge.

    Jeremiah 17:9-11 ESV
    The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?
    "I the Lord search the heart
    and test the mind,
    to give every man according to his ways,
    according to the fruit of his deeds."
    Like the partridge that gathers a brood that she did not hatch,
    so is he who gets riches but not by justice;
    in the midst of his days they will leave him,
    and at his end he will be a fool.

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  38. put perfectly. i agree with everything you said. it's hard to let it go, but i know that He knows all. she will have to face her punishment once she leaves this earth. and we have a just God who loves and adores His children and those who honor Him. praise be :) thanks for sharing your heart friend.

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  39. your humbleness inspires me! way to be sista!

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