Tuesday, May 24

the birds and the bees (part 2)

caleb and i will never have the talk with our boys.

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we want our boys to know and love Jesus, so we will teach them as best as we know how.
we want our boys to have good manners and obey so we will teach them the best we know how.
we want our boys to serve others and give of themselves so we will teach them the best we know how.
we want our boys to excel at the things they are passionate about so we will teach them the sports, instruments, writing, reading, whatever interest it may be, the best we know how.

we want our boys to save themselves for marriage and have a wonderful sex life with their future spouse so we will run and hide and never bring that topic up.

we want our boys to know that sex is created by the Lord and it is a beautiful thing inside of marriage so we will avoid having any conversations about that.

we want our boys to learn about their bodies and learn how sex works from us but, we will quickly decide against it after we realize, the night before the video is shown in fifth grade, that all these years we forgot to bring it up and now it's too late. or we're too embarrassed. their health teacher can answer their questions anyway, can't they? and maybe, NO, could it be that the kids on the bus have already told them?

that is what parents do now a days, right? i mean, it's either that or put condoms under the bathroom sink for them and their boyfriend or girlfriend.

there's something wrong with this picture.

maybe it's the upcoming purity conference with my small group girls, or maybe this show, or these statistics that have got me going. i'm gonna go out on a limb here and veto the talk. i'm gonna say let's change things up and educate our kids about sex like we would educate them about anything else we want them to know and hold close to their heart. and while i'm on a roll here, let me put a plug in for emotional purity, too. i was the girl with boy best friends for years and years and years. when you give of yourself it does not always have to be physically. it can be emotionally, too. and giving a piece of your heart to all those boys, or to all those girls, could take just as much of a toll as giving your body to them.

so here i am to say that we, my husband and i, will teach them.

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and we will start now.

for every future awkward conversation i have with my 8 year old boy (or 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17… and however else long after that, or before that. yes, i said before. i think each parent will make the right decision for their own children as to when to move on to the next step of the sex conversations. you can do it, i have faith.) it will get less awkward. and every time i answer a question that makes me red in the face i will be so very happy that i am the one getting red in the face. and i will be so very happy that my boys knew they could come to me with that question. i will be so very happy that we made this decision today.

this is not talked about enough to the youth of today… and i'm talking about the christian youth of today, too. maybe, even, gasp, especially them. it seems to me, that it is often times this hoo-rah! event for true love waiting, or for staying pure and then, after that night? silence. crickets, even. the difference we could make by switching things up and making this an ongoing conversation could be quite amazing. maybe, just maybe, we could let these precious kids know more about how what they do now will ever so greatly impact their future.

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i first read about these books on my friend jamie's blog and i knew i had to have them. the series consists of four books: the story of me (ages 3-5), before i was born (ages 5 to 8), what's the big deal? why God cares about sex (ages 8 to 11) , and finding the facts: the truth about sex and you (ages 11-14). the books start off teaching children about Christ's love and goodness for all He has made, why babies need mommies and daddies, what's special about being a girl, what's special about being a boy and, dare i say it, proper names for body parts. no wee wee here, ladies. and they end with puberty, how our bodies change, how a woman gets pregnant, abstinence, love, dating, and relationships. the other two books cover everything in between. a little assistance in teaching about sex never hurt anyone, that's for sure.

invest time over these next however many years and teach your kids about sex -- how God created it to be.

40 comments:

  1. i havent even had kids yet, but i dread the day i'll need to have this talk with my children! good luck! xox

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  2. I love this! I have an 8 y/o daughter and two younger boys. I know that the time is coming soon when I will have to start having these conversations with her, and then them. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Children hear a lot, a lot earlier than they used to, and I want our children to learn from us first and foremost. I want them to know God's plan for them. I'm going to check out these books... and you have a new follower!

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  3. Oh, I already was a follower! :)

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  4. amen. so excited about the books. THANK YOU for sharing and i 1000% agree with you: the dialog has to start now and it has to never stop. the more comfortable they are talking about it, the more comfortable they'll be talking about it when the hormones start raging and the boys (i have a daughter) come knocking... seriously excited about these books.

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  5. Amen sister. Having 2 boys & 2 girls means the hubby and I will be having lots of these talks. This is too important a topic to leave to anyone but us.

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  6. what an AWESOME post!!!!!!! Thanks for this.

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  7. brilliant!!
    when you know better you DO better. that applies to all things.
    love this idea friend!

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  8. i agree with you wholeheartedly. this was a taboo topic in our home and it has had dire ramifications for us girls (i saved myself for marriage but was clueless/scared on wedding night).
    go YOU for broaching this topic and enlightening folks, and for reiterating what i already knew i was going to do for my children.

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  9. a.men! always been a huge advocate of using the correct terms and age-appropriately teaching about our bodies throughout daily life, just like i teach about art and nature and everything else in thier little lives. bodies are beautiful and all the amazing things about them were God's ideas first. and if that means my three year old boy uses the word scrotum at a family function, then so be it. and yes he did.

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  10. such a great post Danielle! This is a topic that I want so badly to teach Zach about so that he can save himself from all the pain of premarital sex. I definately will be getting these books too. Sex was NEVER talked about at my house. That's not the best thing at all. Love your opinion on this!

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  11. Such a great post - and something I feel really strongly about. I did a post a while ago on this: http://www.paisleyjade.com/2010/10/big-weekend-away.html

    You rock - and had me giggling through the first few paragraphs!

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  12. Yup,Im with ya. And now I have more books to add to the shopping list. Everyone needs a little help explaining this and I think the right books can be a wonderful tool.
    xo,
    Sarah

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  13. i'm ordering these books. i'm not the most graceful person when it comes to words...well, anything. so, i'll need help not scaring or scarring my children. i tend to give TOO much info. ha.

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  14. wow this is amazing. those books! looking them up right now!!!!

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  15. Great discussion today. I am so glad you posted this. We started calling our children's body parts by their proper names from the beginning. It's strange to hear a tiny one talking about making sure his scrotum is clean, but hey, better than wee wee!

    I also hope my children stay pure until marriage. I wish my parents had talked more to me about it. I attended a conference with Josh McDowell when I was in 8th grade and vowed to be a virgin until marriage. It was not always easy, but I'm so glad I was my husband's first and he mine. We are hoping to teach our children that their bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and should be cherished and well treated.

    Thanks for this today!

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  16. I loved this post and I'll have to check those books out - my daughter is four and I don't want to "hide" things from her. She knows what boobies are and what a "pee pee" is although we haven't ventured into the land of boys just yet! Lol! I'm happy to know other parents what their kids to be pure but also want them to understand about sex!

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  17. I love this post!!! Adore it! I have already had to have some conversations w/ my 4 year old! (we don't smack bottoms!)I have not heard of these books, but will check them out for sure! Educate and PRAY for your children, their life is so much different than mine was growing up, evething is sexualized..even children's movies! Great job on starting it now and teaching them out God's love!

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  18. a thousand times: amen. this is a topic that is far too under-discussed: by parents, by the church, by mentors and leaders... thank you for being brave enough to take a stand and remind us of the importance of education on every issue... even the "taboo" ones (which, for goodness' sake, what is so taboo about something that, when done lovingly and in the right relationship, is lauded and praised in scripture?). anyway, thank you. i'm making mental notes about these books for when jordan and i have kids one day. :)

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  19. Yes, yes, YES! This is something I am really passionate about. I want my kids to hear it all from me FIRST, and I want those conversations to begin early. I often wonder how much child sexual abuse could be prevented if children were educated at an early age, in age-appropriate conversations, on what sex is and how it is and is not intended to be.

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  20. Oy, I hear ya, lady. So proud of you taking a stand and teaching this to your boys. As parents we can't just hope for the best. Thanks for sharing the books. I'm just glad I have a couple of years before I have to start thinking about this!! You're a rock star.

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  21. I'm a blog stalker, but I just wanted to give you a shout out for this post. I just got done counseling for a purity conference at my church and EVERY girl I talked to said they couldn't talk to their parents...even the girls crazy about Jesus.
    I went home squeezed my 7 month old girl and my husband and I sat down and wrote out a commitment to always talk about it, and answer questions honestly. Thanks for the resources!!!

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  22. It's funny you should post this. This topic has been coming up a lot lately in different conversations. I think you are so right about the Christian youth not being talked to about sex. It seems as if the only thing they are told is not to do it. Yeah, that doesn't seem to be working. I think the sex talk needs to be revolutionized. And I so agree with you about the emotional aspects of it too. Kudos to you for speaking about this topic!

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  23. thanks for this! my husband and i don't have kids yet, but i'm already praying for the day i have to start talking to my kids about sex. maybe this is the answer! age-appropriate easing into it sounds good to me. thanks for the links for those books! i truly think i will use them!

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  24. yes and amen! i think if we/re open and honest about it throughout their lives, they can be open and honest about it when things come up.

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  25. Wow! This is amazing. I am going to check these out soon! Thank you for sharing Danielle :)

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  26. Great job with this post, D. What I love even more is all the positive feedback you've gotten! That's awesome!

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  27. danielle i love this. as a momma of two boys who have been asking questions for the last year. (i totally have a red face daily grrr...) these books look so amazing. i would rather have my boys know the truth than believe the garbage they hear on the school yard. God created sex to bless a married couple ONLY!

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  28. fantastic post, danielle!
    this is dear to my heart too.
    seriously!
    i learnt everything, well lots of stuff, from the school yard.
    my parents were too busy and, i think, too embarrassed to talk to me about sex.
    granted, i was the third child, and my parents owned a biz but c'mon!
    that's one thing i'm sad about my childhood.
    i was lucky that i had a pretty good conscience though and i did save myself for marriage.
    but it's something i want to make important in my home.
    that i do NOT become embarrassed when i talk to my kids about sex and the like (i.e. bodies, etc).
    i have taught my girls the proper names of their body parts and i do not get red when they ask 'awkward questions'.
    yes, they're only 7, almost 5 and 1.5 but that's ok.
    i have to start somewhere, right?
    thanks for sharing this.
    i think it's important that we, as christian parents, are open about ALL topics with our kids.
    heck, if they don't learn it from US... they will definitely learn about it somewhere else.
    you rock, little lady!! :)

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  29. I love you & your husbands' stand on this! Thanks for your honesty & for just putting it all out there.
    I feel like when I was about 12, my mom gave me 'the book' but then I never felt comfortable to just ask away. I want to work hard not to make sex a one-time only conversation with kids & youth I'm mentoring. So, all those things you said are so true!

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  30. danielle, this is the best. god bless your sweet family!
    xo

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  31. i'll be a new mom in just a couple months!

    THANK you for talking about this! love your perspective!

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  32. thank you! great post!!
    i'm working for an AIDS federation and we go into schools teaching teens about HIV/AIDS, sex and everything that comes with it {trust, responsibility, love}. unfortunately many, many teens don't know anything about sexual intercourse {only stuff "they heard"} and even more shocking, they are not able to talk about it...
    i'm a huge advocate for the sex-talk. i'm a christian as well and {sometimes} i get the feeling that {too} many christians hesitate too much when it's time for the sex-talk!
    so, thank you again!
    leslie

    p.s.: and i think the perfect age for the first talk is 4years....

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  33. Hi, just visiting your blog for the first time. Rachel sent me. :)
    So far, I'm loving it!
    This is a great post and so true.
    I decided from the get go to be very open and real about our bodies and sexuality with my kids.
    I never wanted to drop the sex bomb on them and then never speak of it again.
    It doesn't work very well.
    My son wanted to know how the baby got into my tummy when he was 3.
    I told him the truth.
    Since then he has asked more specific questions, but he isn't weirded out by it.
    It's still just like science to him.
    I get a little toungue tied, but I plough through.
    It is my hope he, and the rest of my kids, will be able to be open with us as they grow older.
    The hardest question I've dealt with was why my brother's girlfriend had a baby and she wasnt married.
    The truth again, and it wasn't easy.
    But it is important to speak the truth to our kids.
    Can't wait to look around your blog some more!
    Love from,
    Greta
    PS. Here's the link from the time I first told my boy where our baby came from. You might like it.

    http://lillyandthebrothers.blogspot.com/2010/05/biology-week-lesson-2-talk.html

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  34. I love these books!!! the first one even addresses adoption in a small, respectable way. :)

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