Thursday, May 19

the birds and the bees (part 1)

i'm gonna be talking about the big S word here, people.

s e x.

brace yourselves, though. that's part two.

we will start here, with part one:

brody is petrified of bees. PETRIFIED. out-of-body-experience-about-to-foam-at-the-mouth scared. i don't know how this happened or why this happened but, my little guy who loved being outside, is now scared to even look out the window at a bug. a couple weeks back he started to notice more bugs… but, we've always been pretty vague in identifying them. they are all just bugs. i am a good educator like that.

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all of the sudden he knows what bees are, he's scared they are going to hurt him, and he does not want one thing to do with taking a step in the direction of the great outdoors. this is sort of squashing my plans for spending all spring and summer outside before winter hits in september again. sort of.

here is a scenario for you: take the boys to the park, we're playing on the slides when along comes a big bumble. the fuzzy, really buzzy kind. that's awful for brody - he a little sound obsessed. so it starts a buzzing around us and my child has gone limp. l i m p. his face is switching back and forth between pale white and beat red. clinging to my neck so tight that i can hardly breathe myself. he cannot catch his breath and is in the fetal position. thankfully, praise the Lord on high, foster was meandering around happily for the first time in his life.

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the park we were at is right next to the sheriffs office and i am 100% amazed that someone did not come out to see if i was torturing my child. i am not kidding, it was that bad. the bee finally flies away and he calms to a sort of screeching cry as i carry him and his brother to the other side of the park. i am trying to coax him to get down and play but, he is holding me so tight, and just the thought of getting off my lap puts him into distress again. mini van moms pull up and look at me in disgust. foster is now throwing himself on the ground, eating dirt, because he is mad that i can't hold him, too. i say a quick prayer for strength to carry both of them and the bag all the way to the car and then…here it comes. WAILING from both of them because we are leaving the park and the bee fear is thrown in there as well.

i had to put both of them in the van, crack a window and then stand outside for a minute to gain my exposure. i was about to cry out of frustration that this picnic lunch day did not go as planned. or maybe i was more sad that my baby boy has fears that i can't control.

i drove to caleb's work and brody was still a hot mess. once we got there, he wouldn't let me put the window down so he could see his daddy, because he was scared a bug would fly in. and as of lately he starts flinching if a crumb, or dirt, or anything small is on or around him, thinking it's a bug. depending on the day he might go into full breakdown mode.

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so, here i am to ask a little mama to mama help. we've read books, watched movies, sang songs, and flown around like bees ourselves. we've talked about it, not talked about it, we've prayed with him about it, been firm but loving, nurtured him in this and we are still at the same place as of right now. where would you go from here?

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part two: i am combining this fear of bees to teaching your kids about sex for the sole reason that the talk is referred to as the birds and the bees. i'm clever like that.

i know you all are on the edge of your seats... it will come next week.

17 comments:

  1. Awww your poor little man! Cuuute story though, kids are silly. I was deathly scared of spiders when I was younger . . . and still kind of am! Lol

    Good luck with the Birds and the Bees!

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  2. Oh, sister. That sounds just awful. I am so sorry you (and Brody) had to experience that. Mason recently had a similar reaction to dogs, especially when they barked. He would just begin shaking and cling to my neck and cry uncontrollably. We spent many Sundays after church at the animal shelter-- me reassuring Mason and Matt giving him the stern "you're okay" talks. He is still skittish around barking dogs (regardless of how small) but we ended up adopting a 4 year old lab and Mason just loves him.

    Not that you're going to adopt a bee, but maybe some exposure in a safe environment would help? Do you have a butterfly sanctuary near by?

    I'll be in prayer for you and your family, sweetie. You'll figure it out.

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  3. Oh this made me so sad. For him AND for you. Its such a helpless feeling to not be able to calm their fears.
    This coming from a beekeeper's wife. We have two hives and our bees make honey for us. Our girls were leery at first(theyre 5 & 7) but now are so comfortable around the bees that they can actually walk up to a flower and pet the bees on their back. I know....What the???? When I heard that I was shocked but theyre not afraid. Theyve been taught alot about the bees.
    But your poor little guy. Silly question but has he watched the Bee movie? Theres also an educational one put out by PBS that shows the job that bees do, how they pollinate, and why theyre so important to all of us.
    Basically, Im clueless as to what to tell you. But I'll pray for him and for you. Fear can be a really terrible thing. I do get that.
    hugs,
    Sarah

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  4. My daughter has recently become scared of bugs as well - and like your son she thinks every little leaf, twig or piece of dirt is a spider. Her fear started after climbing into a little toy we have outside and a Granddaddy Long Legs fell on her. Even though I explained they won't bite, etc. She is now scared to death and freaks out all the time. Maybe it's just a phase they have to go through. Who knows. She is also scared of walking outside when it's wet and refuses to step foot off the porch if it's wet or raining.....so I have to lug her to the car! Kids. *shaking my head*

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  5. I am so sorry you had to go through all that.
    I think you sound like a wonderful mom.
    As for your son, I would try to downplay it as much as possible- I wouldn't talk about it and when something happens, just play it cool and get him out of the situation.
    I think he will grow out of it.
    I find the more stuff I give attention to, the more my kids live up to it.
    Like if I say my son is allergic and scared of dogs, all he has in his head is he is allergic and scared of dogs, but if I say, "Jack is brave and nothing really bothers him, he is just like his Dad", he wants to live up to it.
    P.S.- It took a long time (about a year?) for him not to flip out over dogs, but he doesn't anymore.
    He doesn't want one or love them, but he doesn't get nutso anymore.
    Hope this helps.
    Don't worry.
    It always works out.

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  6. Maybe this is something you can pray with him about? And you can encourage him to pray as well-- like "Lord please help me not to be afraid" or "Lord please help me to have peace in my heart when a bee comes around" Maybe this little experience is a cool way to teach him he can cast his cares on the Lord. :-) I only have one son though-- so i don't have much experience..and he is still real small-- so I'm sure i'll be facing something similar in the future.

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  7. Girl....I am so sorry about this! I have no experience with this type of situation {yet}, but I can pray that it gets better for sweet Brody & you! Hugs xoxo

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  8. I think that you are a wonderful mother! While I'm sorry that you have to deal with things like this, I'm thankful that you're ahead of me & can teach me great things about parenting. It's beautiful that you are praying & asking friends help. You aren't alone.

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  9. I think you're a wonderful mother to! I wished i could help out. What I think I would do is not to make a big deal out of it. For example, If he starts yelling when he sees a bee, you stay calm and say: "Yep, thats a bee, Hello mister Bee" It works sometimes on my kid.. but he is only 2 years old now.. I really wish you luck on this!

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  10. oh, danielle! praying for y'all! what a tough time.
    have you asked him what it is that bothers him most about bees, bugs etc.? maybe try drawing pictures together of bees. name them-hey mister bobby bee! naming things helped with some kids i know. touch the bees that you draw, really praise him for touching the drawn bee-all the while, talking about how bees are just so busy working, they don't have time to bother him:)

    love you, keep being an awesome mama! xoxo

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  11. do you have any bug toys that he can play with? you know the kind that you get a the dollar store that can fit in his hand? i'm sure you have told him they are more scared of him than he is of them. he's so big and they're so tiny...
    I think he's just at the age when kids just become really aware of their surroundings. self vs. the great big world. he'll get past it. You are doing every thing right MAMA, so rest assured it's nothing you did. it's just part of growing up.do i sound like an early childhood educator? ha. i know!
    wait till he hits puberty! i'm going through that nonsense with my oldest. i told my hubs last night to just kill me NOW. i was joking... sort of. being a MAMA is hard i'm not gonna lie, but just remember to rely & trust fully in the LORD and he will see you through.
    *remember that you are awesome! my prayers are with you friend.
    xxO

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  12. love the naming tip by hannah above. but prayers for you as you figure out what's best for your lil guy--you're the mama and you know best
    <3
    p.s. part II sounds very intriguing..... ;)

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  13. oh no, poor lil man! it's hard to crawl up into those tiny heads of theirs and figure out what's going on. I think you're doing a great job--it's probably one of those things he has to eventually grow out of (not really what you wanted to hear, huh?) But oh the birds and the bees! (that should be one interesting post hahah)

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  14. Poor little guy. I wish I had something insightful to say...Great photos though, especially like the ones climbing the latter. Beautiful.

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  15. Oh friend, what a rough one...praying and believing this will be a funny memory. Poor guy, praying for his sweet little heart! XO

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  16. My daughter went through a spell of not being able to hear "outside" evening noises (a.k.a. crickets, frogs etc). It was so bad she would hyperventilate and I would have to shake her out of it. We were all freaking out! I contacted a councilor and they taught us some techniques to use (very simple and very effective - for us anyway). I was told her fear/anguish could go either way - get worse or get better suddenly and if it got worse to see a councilor. She did get over it quickly (a month?) but it was a terrible thing to go through (it was summer - so no evenings outside etc). Some people are prone to anxieties and it is so FRUSTRATING, like you said, to NOT be able to control it as a parent. AND it was hard to have other people think they could set things straight if it was their child. We did move past that phase but maybe someone (a professional) could offer some (easy & helpful - for us anyway) suggestions. It was a fine line between not dwelling on it, but also working on it. Good luck - it does get better!

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  17. I did want to add that the suggestions the councilor gave us were over the phone, we never had to go to or take our child to the councilor! It was very helpful and comforting to talk to a professional who deals with anxieties in children. The info was simple to implement. I thought of you this morning while my youngest was reading Hop on Pop (Dr. Seuss) and one page shows a scary big bee stinging someone. Our daughters fear of the cricket/frog sound started with a simple image - I wonder if your son some how saw an image that scared him.

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