Tuesday, February 8

on breastfeeding and other things that make me twitch

just kidding.

this is just my breastfeeding story. i know we can only handle one taboo topic at a time. and i figure what better way to change up things up from love stories than to talk about nursing. my friend, mindy, shared her story the other day and stirred up some memories in my crazy mind. around the same time my girlfriends and i discussed breastfeeding while getting our toenails painted and i received an email from a friend, linking this post. i love that post, just saying. so, here i am. ready to share my own little saga. and let's be clear, i am only able to share this because i am not currently nursing. otherwise i would obviously be too much of a hot mess to even type these words.

on april 19th 2008 brody entered this world and tipped the scales at ten pounds twelve ounces. his face was so swollen and bruised from the birth that my dad said he looked like a drunk old man in a bar fight. thanks for that sentimental moment, dad. (my dad doesn't read this blog. or if he does, he will immediately stop reading at the word breast.) i quickly tried, as everyone encouraged me to, to nurse him shortly after he was born, as to get us both used to this whole…thing. looking back now, i can only imagine how painful it was for his traumatized little face to even attempt to nurse.

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he wouldn't latch on. ever. during our stay in the birthing center there was always a nurse, lactation consultant, my husband, and maybe my mom, a sister, aunt or friend, hoovered over my chest trying to get the child to latch. he slept and slept and slept and i continued to try to feed a child that wanted nothing to do with colostrum. my back hurt in ways i could never have imagined from hunching over trying to position my boob into his mouth in just the right way, all while pinching alongside my nipple to release the milk, just like i was taught. i will not, for lack of making you vomit up your breakfast, go into detail of all the other ways i hurt. football hold, laying on my side, the boppy, my breast friend, nothing was working. he was losing weight and i was engorged. on the day we were to go home i remember being a massive amount of pain as he was sucking, and tiredly grimacing up to my sweet friends, nodding that i think he finally had it! only to look down and see a huge bruise a inch away from my nipple. did i just write nipple twice in the past few sentences?

the next few days were filled with tears, pain, raging emotions, ice packs, long hot showers, force feeding and opinions from all surrounding me. my poor husband was probably wondering what in the world happened to his wife. i laid in bed, topless, aching and moaning as my mom and her sweet friend, who is an infant nurse, attempted to get brody to latch on at all costs. no such luck. we broke out the pump and i would, ever so painfully, pump out these two measley ounces of breast milk. and because do not give him a bottle or he will never go back to the breast was drilled into my brain, i would put those two measley ounces in a SYRINGE and try to drop into my baby's mouth. i am pretty sure none of it ever made it in. he was still losing weight and i was reccomended to wake him up every two hours to feed him. every two hours, you say? well it takes me two hours to do the whole process from start to finish. so i'll just keep nursing twenty four hours a day while spitting out the food i was trying to swallow from crying so hard.

days turned into weeks which turned into months. it consumed my life. i would sweat profusely and feel like i was walking in the sahara, i was so parched. i hated breastfeeding, i didn't feel an emotional connection to my child while doing it. in fact, i felt a lot worse about myself and about brody while i nursed. every day was a new struggle. there was never a point in time where he would latch on, eat for ten minutes (or even twenty or thirty minutes) and be done. it was keeping him awake, keeping him latched on, repositioning, and latching again. for some absurd reason i nursed for seven months. let me say that again, SEVEN MONTHS. i felt like i had to nurse him. like i would let a large amount of people down if i couldn't successfully breastfeed my child. i knew it was best for him and it was free. hello, one income family.

i wish someone would have slapped me across the face. really, really hard. and then hand me a whole bunch of formula. target brand, please.

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maybe i wasn't feeding my child the better milk when i stopped nursing but, i was a better mom. i was happier, i enjoyed my baby more. i felt better about myself and about my child. he enjoyed eating and left satisfied. something i could never say about nursing.

i am happy to say that i am now okay with being a formula feeding mom. more than okay actually, i am proud. i am proud i attempted and gave it my all. i feel no shame, not one ounce, for giving my child a large bottle of the powdery stuff. i am also happy to say that i breastfed foster for six months. it wasn't easy, i didn't like it, and i still felt very down while nursing but, it wasn't nearly as traumatizing. if and when we have more children i will try it again. only this time i will stop dead in my tracks if i start to walk down that dark road again.

ahh, it feels good to get that off my chest.
literally.

67 comments:

  1. (my dad doesn't read this blog. or if he does, he will immediately stop reading at the word breast.) -- this made me laugh out loud. SO funny.

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  2. so very recognizable!
    Thanks for sharing! Here in the Netherlands it's also kind of a taboo.
    I really enjoy reading your blog!

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  3. Oh I can totally relate! I hated breastfeeding, my child was an on demand eater and she wanted to eat non stop it felt like to me. I felt so tied down and miserable, I hated it. I had a c-section and then four weeks after my c-section I had emergency gallbladder surgery. I breast fed exclusively for those four week in between. After the second surgery I pumped for two more weeks and then gave up. The moment I switched to formula I felt like a two ton weight had been lifted off of me - well, after I cried on the phone to my mom that I must not be a good mom if I couldn't breast feed! She had nursed all five of us anywhere from a year to two years. I'm glad I gave it up though, and I'm glad there are others who have been through the same thing!

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  4. Ah love that you were so sweet & honest!!! I nursed Aiden and went straight to formula with Ainsleigh!!! Crazy how you feel
    Like you have to explain yourself when you aren't breastfeeding ( or atleast I do)!! Thanks for sharing friend!!! Xoxo

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  5. thank you for sharing this. for those of us who don't have kids, it's a relief to hear the 'other side' of the story... to hear that not everyone breast feeds and that's a-ok.

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  6. Thank's so much for sharing this! Rarely does anyone share stories like this where breastfeeding doesn't go perfectly by the book. I was never able to nurse but pumped exclusively for 4 months! Ugh! It totally consumed my life & finally my wonderful husband stepped in & told me I HAD to stop. We know that breastfeeding is best but it's hard to get to the 'formula is ok too!'

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  7. You are awesome for sharing this. Moms need to be more real with each other in the struggles of motherhood. Every persona and child has a different story and I have always disliked the way people seem to follow books blindly.
    If only our little ones knew what we go through for them:)

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  8. Love this! I think something similar happens to a lot of moms! But I still feel like people think I'm giving my kid cigarettes when I give him formula. Formula is super easy on the go to. As much as I didn't want to like it, I secretly do. Plus my baby is happy, so who cares! Thanks for posting this!

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  9. I love that you posted this! I breastfed my daughter, and am breastfeeding my son-BUT she was a MUCH better nurser than he is. I enjoyed it MUCH more with her...but can't seem to wean her little brother. :)

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  10. Honey, you are so not alone. Your story is very similar to mine for the same reasons. I didn't have latching problems with Josiah but I was never able to produce enough milk to make him full. After trying everything, I finally gave up my pride and bought the poor boy some formula (TARGET BRAND! hahaha). After 3 months of nursing, it was the first time I had ever seen him full and content. It was actually the first time he ever slept through the night, too. Wish I would have done it sooner. Thanks so much for sharing your story - it's so nice and encouraging to hear about more formula feeding mamas out there!

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  11. Couldn't agree more... wish I had just realized it really was okay to go with the bottle. I felt so much pressure to make it work - and it really didn't. I tried everything to make it work for 6 months - vitamins, herbs, pumping, and supplemental bottles - it was TOO MUCH! And now I realize it would have probably been more peaceful for both of us if I would have thrown that all out and stocked up on formula. Thanks for sharing - it's nice to know I haven't been the only crazy one. :)

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  12. Thank you for sharing...i had a HORRIBLE time nursing my second and felt SO guilty when I went to formula. Why do we do that to each other?? I still don't understand the people how look at me and say, "so, you bottle feed?" and it sounds more like they're disappointed than a question. I used to feel like I had to justify myself, but no longer. My baby is formula feed and doing just fine!

    Really thanks for sharing!

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  13. Thanks for sharing! Breastfeeding is so hard, and it's not for everyone. Themost important thing, as you alluded to, is to be the BEST MOM you can be. Good for you for knowing your limits!

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  14. thanks for sharing your story. =)

    i wanted to nurse my first baby more than anything. i was very anti-formula...and then she was born with a soft palate cleft. she couldn't get suction, so she couldn't nurse. she spent 11 days in the nicu, and i would pump every 3 hours. because i wasn't really eating or sleeping, my milk never came in the way it was supposed to. i could pump for 30 minutes and get 1/2 oz if i was lucky. she went home finger feeding, a 45 minute process...and then there was clean up, and oh, i still had to pump in between then. i finally got to the point where i knew i couldn't be the mommy i wanted to be if i was doing this all the time, so i gave it up...and almost 6 years later, she's perfectly fine.
    i've been able to nurse my other 3 just fine, and i'm thankful for that because i do enjoy the time, but it definitely changed my perspective and i'm a firm believe that you have to do what's best for you and your fam!

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  15. you are such a breast-feeding hater! just kidding. just feed your babies ladies...it can be so stressful(it is for me). eventually it worked fine and it became easier. but i don't love it...i live for the day they get a bottle. so sentimental, right?

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  16. Well, now I love you even more! I laughed and nodded my way all through this post. This sounds so similar to when I breastfed my first son. I remember one particularly painful day, while breastfeeding & crying, my husband said to me, "I mean, does it really hurt THAT bad?". It's an act of God that he's still alive. Breastfeeding was painful for seven months. Seven. Months. People kept telling me I must be doing it wrong or it wouldn't hurt. That's exactly what a new mom needs to hear. After the 7 mo. mark it got better, and I nursed him until he was 14 mo. old. With my second, it was a breeze, and he nursed for 16 months (yes, I'm one of those moms). I commend you for knowing what's best for your sanity & going with it! No one is ever less of a mom because they formula feed. Period.

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  17. sooooooo with you. i stopped nursing at 7 months too. i should have stopped a long time before that. it is something i felt so guilty about! and insecure - i didn't know why other people could do it and i couldn't. then i stopped. and the freedom in my mind! i enjoy miles SO MUCH MORE than i did. i gave it the best i could. 7 months is a LONG time. proud of you!

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  18. oh i couldn't agree more!
    thank so much for sharing :) glad others are on the same page as me.

    blessings!

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  19. THis happened to me with both my boys!!! I breastfed kaleb for one month...which was the longest month of my life! And then Dylan for a week! I was told by my Dr. that they can actually feel your emeotions while they are feeding (or just trying to feed). So if its not enjoyable for you, its not for them either. I dont feel bad either, we did our best...<3

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  20. friend, i am so proud of you :) you are such a great mom :)

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  21. Great post! I totally agree with you! The 'best' way to feed your baby is to do what works for you and your baby.

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  22. you are so generous to share this about your journey.
    whether through breastfeeding or schedules or sleeping or whatever, i think most moms go down this same path.
    we start off so idealistic about what we KNOW we want for our kids.
    as time goes by, what we realize is that "What we want" for them is a joyful, relaxed family. and if we are going to give them that, then sacrifices need to be made, and not where we thought they'd be made....maybe just in our own little hearts that are holding on SO tight to being THE PERFECT MOMMY.
    this my story too, and i didn't have to suffer in this area like you did.
    love you friend!

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  23. SO glad I am not alone! I only lasted one month. My son would. not. latch. I ended up having to use one of those nipple shields and when I pumped, hardly anything came out. I could pump all day and get enough for one measly bottle. And he wanted to nurse all freaking day! Finally, my mom and husband both told me I would not be a lesser person if I just gave him formula. We had been supplementing a little anyway (he had to go in the NICU for a few days after his birth, which added to his latch problems and I couldn't pump fast enough). I think I am just now starting to be okay with not breastfeeding him longer and he's 9 months. I felt like I gave up...like a failure but I just needed to feed my child! I was so much happier and less stressed when I gave him a bottle.

    Thank you for your story.

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  24. Woo hoo! Thanks for sharing your nursing story, girl. I really enjoyed reading it and got several good belly laughs this morning. You're so right...every nursing experience is different and it's up to momma to know what's best. I really don't see what the big deal is when people can't or decide not to nurse. Some people freak out about it! I breastfed my son the first couple months of his life and then we eventually switched too. And, you know what? He's a happy, healthy 2 year old and whether or not he had formula couldn't make a bit of difference now!

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  25. oh gosh I can totally relate I hated every minute! I only lasted 4 1/2 months with both and whew it took every ounce of life outta me. bleh! glad those days are OVER

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  26. ey - it's not for everyone. Before I had my first daughter I did not want to breastfeed. Just didn't like the idea of it for some reason. But then she came out, and was so tiny and sweet that I thought I owed it to both of us to at least try. She was an easy nurser and I did it until her first birthday. Pretty much the same story with my little one who is eleven months now. My plan was to go until her first birthday, but she just discovered her little razor teeth so she has been cut off!

    Thanks for sharing your story!

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  27. Yes, breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done. Having babies was so glamorized and from the day I got prego, my world was flipped up side down. I went through many of the same things as you did. I remember my nipples hurt so bad when my baracuda baby would latch on I could feel it in my spine. There was no other words to describe how bad it hurt. I did everything the purple goop, frozen cabbage leaves, but then all of a sudden...it didn't hurt. I love it. I loved how she would sing while feeding and rub me with her with her free hand. I got over the hump and am still breatfedding my 15 month old baby, sawyer jean. Thanks for sharing you story.

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  28. Girly, you already know that I've pretty much been living your experience. (but we're doing better. MUCH better!) You seriously get some huge credit for keeping up with it for 7 MONTHS! I totally understand you pain, and if it wasn't for my mom who keep on telling me not to stop, I would have quit the very first week! I was a HOT MESS, too, crying all the freaking time and not feeling any kind of strong bond with Giada. Actually, just like you said, each time I was breastfeeding I was feeling angry, and frustrated! I'm so glad that I kept doing it though, because for me it seems to be paying off. I really think that each woman's experience is different and I'm so glad that in the end you did what was best for YOU! That's what really matters. There's nothing wrong with formula, especially if it saves your sanity !

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  29. It's as if you wrote my own story!

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  30. yep me too. i gave up at 3 weeks on my first (because my pediatrician MADE ME) and 3 months with my second. i'd rather birth 5 more babies than breastfeed one more. most physically painful thing i've ever been through. not. a. fan. my lesson: God's plans for me don't always align with the recommendations of the american academy of pediatrics. love ya.

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  31. I share a similar story in breast feeding. I gave up way earlier than seven months! Way to go, girl! I do feel like I missed out, though. I think if I would have relaxed and just did it, it would have gone better. Maybe I'll be able to try again someday. And thanks for sharing and always 'keepin' it real'

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  32. Breast feeding is sooo hard I went through the same thing with my first born. I lasted 3 weeks and, I finally gave up. {Formula Rocks!!!} I felt so rejected. To make matters worse my father-in-law asked me if I was trying to kill my son because he would cry so much. But when my second came he latched on perfectly and I nursed him for over a year.

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  33. I had an experience much like yours...but both my attempts at breastfeeding only lasted three months. Three months of babies hungry and only a measly amount of milk being produced. Pumping every three hours, latching one problems, etc.

    I decided after my second child that if a third child ever came I wasn't even attempting breastfeeding...for my own sanity. That decision was so freeing.

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  34. I was always upset that no one told me I would cry a lot while nursing. I always quit at around 6 months which is about the time I got sick of trying to come up with outfits that were easy to nurse in. lol We all have our priorities :)

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  35. hey, i say, whatever works!
    my mom breast-fed all us 6 kids....
    i love hearing different stories, though. gosh. nothing goes according to plan in real life. heh.

    i love that picture!

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  36. Okay, this post made me laugh out loud this morning in bed and I'm just getting around to leaving a comment. I'm still breast-feeding my babe but the milk supply is dwindling so I've added some formula feedings in. That takes some guts to share such personal details...your poor dad! J/k.

    A happy mom is best for a happy baby. You rock.

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  37. Love that we're talking about breastfeeding and nipples. I pumped for 5 weeks while Mason was in the hospital in hopes of nursing when he was released. Didn't happen. It was such a relief to start formula.

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  38. Thank you SO much for sharing your story. We had a LOAD of latch issues here too-- I had to pump and give bottles after my son didn't latch for 3 days (And I was blistered and bruised from trying). We gradually went back to breast around the time my son was 3-4 weeks old with the help of a "nipple shield". Unfortunately through all this stress and exhaustion, shortly after we FINALLY got the hang of nursing I went through post-partum depression and lost my milk supply entirely. I tried to pump a couple days and only got an ounce of what looked like water after 45 minutes of pumping. I was devastated.... still am. I wish I could say I have gotten to the point of forgiving myself and being proud of trying but I'm just not there yet.
    On a positive note, I share my story with my friends in hopes that they will know what to look out for and know that they aren't the only ones should they have a similar experience. With the next I will try again and my husband and I now know my limits.

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  39. Love your honesty & sincerity! Same thing happened here, only I wasn't nearly as determined as you were, and gave up hope after just a week. The day I gave it up, I cried and cried, like I was the worst mother ever! But to see the look of contentment in my boy's eyes as he happily sucked down that bottle; nothing could ever replace that feeling! He turned out to be a healthy & happy baby and is now an amazing 6 yr old - who has NEVER had an ear infection, I might add... ;) That said, I went on to have two more boys, both of whom were good little nursers! So it's very true that what works for one baby/mom combo isn't necessarily the same for the next, even when it's the same mom! BTW, I absolutely adore the photo of you bottle feeding your son!

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  40. Thank you for sharing. I personally loved breastfeeding, and did it with all four of my kiddos for over a year, some even longer, yikes!

    I hate the mommy guilt!! We have so many choices. Why should we feel guilty, when are only choice is what is best for our children and us. The choices I have made are right for me, not for you, not for the woman across the street, or in the grocery store.

    I think we as women hold so tight on to what we think is right, that we think the other possible solution must be the wrong one. Maybe it's just a different one, maybe it's the right one for us...

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  41. i totally get this. with my firstborn nursing was exhausting but really easy. he latched on perfectly even after a 5 day nicu stay and could nurse forever if i'd let him. caleb, on the other hand, has never had any issues latching, but has always had trouble staying interested while nursing. he gives up a lot sooner than i'd like. it's a lot more stressful this time around. kudos to you for talking about such a sensitive subject. it shouldn't be so sensitive and we should be more open about this kind of thing. thanks for sharing!

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  42. New follower; and happy to read this post! I both nursed and formula-fed my son, and that is what is beautiful about parenting - we arm ourselves with information, but in the end, we can choose what works best for us. My son is 3 now, and happy and healthy as ever!

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  43. Ok, my boobs hurt. But awesome post. I am so grateful that Emerson was such a good little eater, but I never understood why it has to turn into a guilt trip if a Mom stops Bf'ing. I always said that if it works for us, and it did, we will do it, if not, I am grateful that there is another option!

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  44. chick i was right there with you with my first 2 kiddos---so frustrating....and painful..yipes!!it just never worked out how it was supposed to. I too felt so guilty going to the bottle at first, but you know what--it worked for us, and i was so over it:) you are fab--and i loved reading this post--thanks for sharing~

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  45. 12 years ago....now i sound really old.
    but anyway...12 years ago my scott was two weeks old and he had cried pretty much non-stop for those two weeks. i called my obgyn for somethine and i started crying. the nurse asked me what was wrong and i said "i am just so tired from nursing" and she said "well honey....you can stop" and through my tears i said "i can?" and she laughed and said "yes sweetie" i changed from sad tears to happy tears and hung up.
    and i kid you not.....
    i never nursed him again!
    ha.
    my milk situation was always weird and quitting cold turkey never bothered me. which tells me i never was doing it right anyway.

    but her voice on the phone is as clear now as it was 12 years ago. :)
    she was my angel that day.
    and i liked my baby a bunch more once he was full, quit the crying and wasn't attached to me every five minutes.

    being a mama is HARD work.

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  46. awesome post! i think it is so drilled in our moms today to breast feed... so not true! I am a nurse that works in the nursery and i see this struggle all the time. I think there is a lot of pressure to breast feed. It shouldn't be that way at all. You are an amazing woman to go that long wow! Noah and I didn't have problems with breast feeding but I just couldn't keep up with him and so we stopped at five months. :( wish i could have gone longer... but i was happy with five. thanks for sharing your story! i know there are SO many woman out there that need to hear that it's okay to bottle feed!

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  47. i force-breast-fed Finn for 9 months and pumped the final month until my husband and mom made me quit whilst i pumped in a stall of an airport bathroom. yah, it was agony. i totally get to emotionally involved with the whole thing and vowed I would not get so worked up with subsequent babies...but...easier said than done. trixy hormones got the better of me.

    for some reason, Calvin, Ollie and Twain were champs. go figure. they each had their fair share of drama and struggles, but seriously they were so much easier than Finn. each pregnancy, delivery and nursing scenario can be different for each baby!

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  48. ugh bless your heart! Breast feeding was worse for me than actually giving birth.. nothing hurt more than wanting my baby to latch on and he wouldn't! Thank you for sharing this wonderful story!

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  49. I went back to work :( 6 weeks after having my baby. Therefore, I had to pump. I tortured myself til my son was 6 months old! I cried the first time I had to supplement with formula. AND the moment I stopped breastfeeding/pumping I actually enjoyed being a mom more than I ever did when I was the milk manager. thanks for sharing. We all do the best we can.

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  50. I had the exact same story...it's so nice to hear someone else talk about it too! HA! I've been a huge advocates for moms like me who try forever to breastfeed and slowly go insane and lose themselves in the process! I have three healthy boys...all formula fed...and mama's doin' great!

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  51. Thank you for sharing this..... I am still too emotional to write my story about breastfeeding, but I am so glad you are able and proud! Amen sista!

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  52. I have 3 littles and have done it all -- nurse until 13 mos., stop at 2 weeks when it was apparent he had a milk protein allergy and I was too intimidated by an elimination diet when I had a newborn and a toddler, so I switched to formula feeding, and now a 22 mo. old stil nursing. Thank you for sharing your story about breastfeeding. You recognized your baby's needs and cared for him. That's a great momma. Not how you feed him makes you that. It's refreshing for someone to share the struggles that they went thru - not that they didn't care and gave up or not that they breastfed perfectly. But that they tried, struggled, and then did what they needed to do. Good job momma!

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  53. this was an encouragement to hear. we have to choose how many things we can handle that take away the peace in our lives. if nursing story ever becomes unpeaceful, i'll stop. sometimes we get close!
    also, thanks for linking to me.

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  54. Loved reading this as I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and hoping that baby comes out with a love affair for my breasts. But if he/she doesn't, at least I'll have your advice to get me through it.

    Thanks!

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  55. wow, i don't know how i missed this one...looks like a super-hot topic and how wonderful that your story has helped so many people feel less alone!!!! :) you have to do what works for you - that's what being a great mom is: knowing yourself and your child best. i struggled through the first few weeks nursing my oldest...it was not the pretty picture they show in the new mommy magazines! it got easier with the others, and i did nurse them each for a year, but had there been any issues with weight gain, i would have given them formula for sure. thanks for sharing!!

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  56. oh, friend. why should anyone judge? its what works for you and your lil' one. you need to be good in order to be a good momma. formula fed babies are just as healthy as breast fed ones. i myself am breastfeeding artie, but we also supplemented him because he just ate too much. i remember feeling awful at first supplementing, but he needed to be healthy! your kids are wonderful and so are you.

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  57. Let me just say...I have a 25lb 6 month old who has been WAAAAY off the weight charts since week 1. I tried to nurse for 4 months. But, my body doesn't work like it's "supposed to." I take care of my fat stores FIRST and my milk LAST. I had to eat non-stop in order to make enough milk for my big-one. And it was still a scheduling, pumping, supplementing nightmare. Long live formula! ...because breast may be good, better, even awesome, BUT happy mommas and babes are BEST.

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  58. It is so sad that our society condemns women who don’t breastfeed. Both of my boys had a severe milk protein intolerance. Even if I was on a totally dairy free diet my breast milk would still make them sick. I nursed my oldest, Jackson, for ten days and my younger son, William, for five days. With Jack it was really hard for me to come to terms with not being able to feed my baby the ”best food for them.” Well you know what it wasn’t the best food for them, it made them sick and uncomfortable. After three weeks of a no dairy, no soy or soybean oil (aka vegetable oil), I had gotten over the idea of breast feeding. I was so miserable because I couldn’t eat anything. It was so much better for the boys to eat special formula and have a happy mom.

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  59. I was just blog surfing, and wound up here on your blog and can't tell you what a coincidence it is! I have a one month old newborn and a very similar story to yours. So comforting to see others with the same struggles (even tho I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy).
    http://laurenspired.blogspot.com/2011/02/breastfeeding-aint-so-natural.html

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  60. Thank you for your story! I can relate with the challenges you also had. It makes me very upset when I hear others bashing mothers that opt not to breastfeed. For whatever reason it maybe. It makes me want to slap them really, really hard. ;) http://thepinckney5.blogspot.com/

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  61. i just read this and felt for you so badly. when my first son was born i tried for a week to nurse him and he wouldn't latch on and looking back i think he was actually STARVING! after the one week check, the nurses were kind and didn't mind helping me, but magically he latched on and nursed for almost an hour. i think he was making up for lost time. nursing my son and then my next two kids were some of the best memories i have. you'll have to give it another shot! you sound like such a good mama!!! besides, if you don't ever nurse you can just look one of those nosy nellies right in the face and tell 'em at least your boobies won't sag down to your belly button like theirs. 'cuz, that's where mine are!! ;-)

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  62. um thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post! my little girl was not gaining weight from breastfeeding, she was suffering from acid reflux & i was suffering from PPD & breastfeeding did not feel like i thought that it should. i had so many people tell me to keep at it, so many people discourage me from formula. & i felt so alone... i still do. this post is so encouraging. thank you!

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  63. Thank you so much for sharing! I had so many issues I won't even begin to go into it. It feels great to hear someone else's experiences just to know you are not alone!

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  64. I am so sorry that you had such a tough time! You asked for help in today's post, so I'm wondering if anyone checked his mouth for a tight frenulum, or a short frenulum? That can make a BIG difference, and with all the trouble you had with latch, I'm wondering if that would be the cause. Some doctors miss it, or don't know what to look for, and it's a really quick fix if that's the problem.

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  65. You, your blog and this post were recommended to me by a newish friend of mine, Brhea Koneman. I don't typically comment on blogs/articles I read unless I feel very strongly about something written (negatively or positively) or if the info touches me in some way. That being said, I was reading this post and I laughed out loud exactly three times and cried once. I feel like you and I have lived the same experience. I am going on 5 months now nursing my first baby boy. I could literally go on and on here about how much your post mirrored my situation (including the fact that my baby was also 10 lb 12 oz at birth), but I won't. Instead I would just like to say thank you. Especially for the part about how when you stopped nursing you may not have been giving him the better milk, but that you were a better mom. I needed this today. Thank you again for this post, it has helped me more than you can know!

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  66. Loved reading this. My son was born 6.6.11 at 10.7lbs. I nursed him until he was 10.5 months---but LOST MY MIND MY BODY AND MY SANITY along the way. My 1st born daughter was a different nursing story--but I still didn't enjoy it. But Daniel wouldn't take a bottle--and nursed more like a snack---ugh!-----when he was 3 months old my Grandfather was diagnosed with Cancer --needless to say it was the wors 10 months of my life. I quit nursing due to a sinus infection--my Granddad passed 2 months after I quit. I'm so thankful I "had" to stop. Oh nursing---so many different stories---thank you for being so transparent---I really enjoyed reading.

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